Miss Manners: Comparisons compliment, not insult

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice in one week I have been compared to two celebrities who look nothing like me. One friend continued to insist I look like said celebrity even when I politely ignored him and changed the subject. He even referred to her as my “twin.”

To add insult to injury, neither of these two celebrities share my hair or eye color. Furthermore, I consider one of these actresses to be ugly. What is the proper response to unsolicited comparisons like these?

GENTLE READER: Presume the intention was to compliment you, and tell these people “thank you.” If you do not agree with the celebrity comparison, Miss Manners permits you to punctuate that thank-you with a question mark.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m at a loss as to how to take care of household chores when we have houseguests.

We regularly get visitors who may stay a few days, a week or two weeks. The house is clean when they arrive, but I try not to do any house cleaning, other than washing dishes, while they are here.

The house can go days without cleaning, but eventually it starts to show.

If I start cleaning while they are relaxing, their discomfort shows at watching me clean. If they help me, I feel bad about turning my guests into servants. If I don’t, I look like a poor housekeeper.

It rarely happens that I can wait until they go out somewhere, because we are always together. Today I tried waiting until everyone was in bed and did some cleaning in the bathroom, but then I was worried I was making too much noise.

GENTLE READER: If guests are staying more than a few days Miss Manners considers them to be more temporary residents than visitors, and they should be treated as such.

Clean when you feel the need to clean, prefacing it by saying, “Excuse me, but I just want to tidy up a bit.” At that point, the onus is on the guest to offer to help. You should not feel bad about accepting it. If they do not offer, then their discomfort is their own problem.