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The Slice: Did you realize pets could send emails?

Paul Turner (Dan Pelle / The Spokesman-Review)
Paul Turner (Dan Pelle / The Spokesman-Review)

It’s time for an installment of Furry Talk, the interactive pets column that answers questions from Spokane area cats and dogs.

You wouldn’t believe the letters and emails from Inland Northwest animals seeking advice.

To FT: I’m a senior house cat who does not enjoy being lugged around by someone who does not know how to hold a feline. My family has a little kid who apparently believes I am a sack of potatoes. I don’t want to harm the child, but I am at my wit’s end. – Poised to Bite on the South Hill

Dear Poised: You might try hiding for a couple of years, until the kid has outgrown this phase.

To FT: I’m a mixed breed North Side dog who loves snow. This winter started out great. But lately, not so much. Who do I see about getting a refund? – Barking Mad

Dear Barking: Contact any of the local attorneys whose clients have sued the city of Spokane recently.

To FT: I’m on my ninth life and know the end is near. I am ready. But I’m worried about my girl. Who will watch over her when I am gone? – Meowing in Mead

Dear Meowing: She will be all right, but she will be sad and she will not forget you.

To FT: I self-identify as a guard dog but I sort of like our mail carrier. Is there something wrong with me? – Spokane Valley Setter

Dear SVS: Does your mail carrier bring treats?

To FT: As the family dog, I want to protect our property. And I have a hunch raccoons are running amok in our lake place. How can I convince everyone we need to head up there and put the run on those varmints? – (Wish I was) Going to the lake

Dear Going: Try to relax. If that doesn’t work, call in an air-strike.

To FT: Like any indoor/outdoor cat who manages to not get run over by a car, I like to hunt. Predation is my thing. But I’m bored with stalking robins and rodents. Any tips on bagging a turkey? – Manito Mauler

Dear MM: Are you high? Have you seen the size of those birds? Maybe you should pick on someone your own size. Or better yet, stay in and take a nap.

Today’s Slice question: How many people in your extended family regard you as an idiot because of your political views?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. If you were going to build a skyscraper in Spokane Valley, where would you locate it?


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