Miss Manners: Parents not obligated to announce pregnancy

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for announcing a pregnancy to extended friends and family?

I am expecting a baby shortly and have not announced anything about my pregnancy via social media and have no intent to. The result is, only friends that I keep in contact with frequently or see in person, and immediate family, know that I am pregnant.

I was fine with this, and intended to send out a birth announcement to extended family once my child was born. However, it seems that every time someone I’m not close to finds out I’m having a baby in a few short months, they act offended that I hadn’t told them sooner.

So I’m wondering, was I supposed to mass-announce my pregnancy?

GENTLE READER: There are sensible reasons for not advertising a pregnancy – from the possibility that something might go wrong to the hope of avoiding hearing everyone else’s grisly birth stories.

But beyond that, Miss Manners encourages you to resist the notion that you are obliged to make your life public. Traditionally, births, marriages and deaths were formally announced to one’s circle of acquaintance. The rest was, and is, discretionary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my early 70s and could definitely get a lift from a face-lift. The problem is that I’m not sure how to find a surgeon I trust.

I know a number of women my age who look wonderful, and I suspect they have had “work” done. I would love to ask them for the names of their surgeons, but fear that my question would be insulting or intrusive.

Is there a tactful way I could ask? Or is it just plain bad manners to ask someone who did their face?

GENTLE READER: Yes, “Who did your face?” is definitely not charming conversation.

But you might be able to tease that out of them by talking about yourself, and then, after the inevitable reassurance that you look fine, saying, “Still, I wish I knew someone who could recommend a surgeon. I’m not lucky enough to have your good genes.”