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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Smart Bombs: Ranchers get discount grazing

Protests against the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge siege are popping up around the West, led by people who correctly point out that this land is our land.

Hunters, hikers and other nature lovers have staged rallies in Spokane, Boise, Portland, Eugene and Bend. The only open-carry items were binoculars toted by birdwatchers. Harney County residents have already told the armed occupiers to go home.

The occupation is illegal, and the occupiers don’t have an argument that’s ever held up in court. In fact, ranchers who graze cattle on public lands get a smoking deal, a much better one than they would if they had to pay private landowners.

Citing a report from the Center for Biological Diversity, the number-crunching FiveThirtyEight website found that the 2012 fees charged by the Bureau of Land Management were 93 percent cheaper than the average market rate charged on private land in 16 Western states.

Far from being a bully, Uncle Sam is a charitable landlord. If anyone should be angry, it’s taxpayers who pick up the land management costs not covered by market-averse grazing fees.

NO EXCUSE. The non-apology apology is so prevalent it has its own Wikipedia page. Politicians are masters of the craft, and last week offered a perfect example.

It all started last Monday, when Rep. Mary Dye, R-Pomeroy, agreed to meet with five teenagers who were lobbying to ease restrictions on birth control pills in conjunction with Planned Parenthood’s Teen Lobbying Day.

Dye took the conversation in an uncomfortable direction when she asked whether the teens were virgins. She then offered unsolicited advice about making the right choices about sex, which, of course, are topics better left to their parents.

Later, she offered this explanation, according to the Seattle Times: “In hindsight, a few of the thoughts I shared, while well-intended, may have come across as more motherly than what they would expect from their state representative.”

She followed that with the classic non-apology apology: “If anything I said offended them or made them feel uncomfortable, I apologize.”

See the built-in escape hatch? The conditional “if” raises the possibility that nothing offensive was uttered. It’s only offensive if some overly sensitive souls are involved.

So what’s the proper way to apologize? “I apologize.”

Yes, the first time can be awkward. You might even blush or fumble over the words. And I totally understand the political pressure to not do it.

But you’ll be respected in the morning.

GLIBERRISH. Sarah Palin is like an annoying trumpeter. Blows hard, but can’t find the notes. Her endorsement of Donald Trump was a perfect reminder.

Some Americans like this, because it makes her seem authentic. For them, a more appealing version of the Gettysburg Address might’ve sounded like this:

“A buncha years ago, our fathers went rogue and conceived some liberty, both in an out of wedlock. Anyway, this hopey changey stuff started a great civil war that’s been underreported in the lamestream media.

“But Joe Sixpack is not fooled. They’re wantin’ this liberty, and they were pretty tired with the generals’ pussyfootin’ around. So fast-forward to today, and boy, did our troops kick some butt, or what? Went Mama Grizzly on those rebels, who, honestly, aren’t bad people. They just didn’t want to talk about slavery … said it was a gotcha question. In fact, they’ve been wearin’ this political correctness kind of like a suicide vest.

“Anyway, this nation, under God, not Allah, is gettin’ a new birth of freedom – a government of the people, by the people, for the people … ready to drill, baby, drill!”

Associate Editor Gary Crooks can be reached at garyc@spokesman.com or (509) 459-5026. Follow him on Twitter @GaryCrooks.