The Slice: When it’s wise to use two hands

It’s not life’s biggest problem.

But sometimes an overstuffed sandwich or maximum burger requires both hands. Putting it down on a plate or taking one hand off invites a cascading loss of structural integrity.

Which brings up the key question. How do you operate the TV remote when you have your hands full of a slip-sliding sandwich or hamburger?

Oh, sure. It’s easy to say “Select your program before you hoist your snack.”

That’s great until there’s a commercial that needs muting or you realize you want to watch another channel.

And, of course, there are those who might suggest it is simply unwise to overload a sandwich to such an extent that it is an onion and tomato avalanche waiting to happen.

But you know what they say about hindsight being 20/20. Besides, that tall stack of slippery ingredients probably seemed like a good idea when you were in the kitchen.

So here’s what I wonder. How many of us have become adept at punching buttons on the remote with our knuckles while never relinquishing our grip on the unstable feast?

Military skills and civilian applications: Bob Gregson said the strict underwear folding/stacking requirements at West Point in the 1960s might have been the single most useless thing he learned.

Memory two-lane: “Summer vacation road trips when I was a kid were exactly as you wrote,” said Sande Paulson. “I grew up in a rural setting outside Vancouver, Wash. Our relatives lived in Sioux City, Iowa. We made the trip in about three days, usually starting before daylight each day.

“Our overnight motel stops were pretty bare-bones. One year my sister and I nagged and nagged to get a motel with a swimming pool. No luck. Another year, we persuaded Daddy and our uncle to route our trip home through Yellowstone park. We stopped to refuel at the Old Faithful Visitor Center. We missed Old Faithful going off by five minutes. Could we wait for the next cycle in about an hour? Again, no luck.

“The story has a happy ending, though. Steve (Sande’s husband) and I have visited Yellowstone many, many times over the years. It’s our favorite national park. Steve agrees to stay for as many Old Faithful eruptions as I want to watch.”

Today’s Slice question: How many different ways have you bent or broken your eyeglasses?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Given where we are, you probably shouldn’t say “Yeah, I went to Expo” if you’re actually referring to Expo ’67 in Montreal.