Fight status quo for sake of nation

I’m afraid. I admit it. I’m a gay man living in a country that seems to be fighting the legitimacy of my existence on a constant basis.

Then one morning I wake up to a nightmare of 49 people killed at a gay nightclub. Just one day before, I celebrated Pride in Spokane and spent time with friends doing exactly what people were doing in Orlando. The only difference? I survived.

I feel powerless, lost and very confused. Many in the LGBT community feel this way. Why choose to write about it? I have to get these thoughts, like shards of glass, shaken from my mind and maybe I’ll stumble across some sense of healing, if that’s even possible.

What kind of country have we become? Why are we divided, angry and violent? When did we forget how to talk to each other? In a nation that allows a man so filled with division and hate to stand just one step away from the most powerful seat in the land, should we not take pause? When his first comment after the Orlando massacre is to congratulate himself, saying, “I knew this was going to happen,” instead of leading with compassion, are we not concerned? If we lose compassion, have we not lost our very humanity?

To place this all on one man is to perpetuate a problem. We share a responsibility in creating a culture that has allowed Donald Trump to exist.

Look at the statistics of our nation. In a mere 30 years, our country has had 78 mass shootings. Why? Peruse the faces of those we have chosen to elect. Since 1981, there have been 12 government shutdowns, a moment in time when our leaders refused to work together, to find the art of compromise. Once should make us weary. Twelve should make us act.

Then there is this concept of equality – that every person should be considered equal under the law. Our country has always had a difficult relationship with equality. The historic Supreme Court ruling on marriage equality in June 2015 had the LGBT community rejoicing.

A year later our country is a war zone of religious freedom reformation acts, “bathroom laws” and an array of other discriminatory actions.

I understand that the history of our country is wrought with violence and that civilization is most certainly not civil, but just because that is the way it has always been, why must it stay?

How many Columbines, Sandy Hooks and Orlandos have to happen before we realize that we have to do something? We sit back, hold our breath and hope. Hope is nothing without action.

The argument that we must have the right to bear AR-15s offers no answers, no comfort. Say that to the mother whose son’s last words to her were, “I love you Mommy, He’s coming, I’m going to die!”

Put your gun down and talk to her, hug her and do something!

Do I sound angry? Do I sound scared? I am! Fear must not paralyze us. We cannot sit back and do nothing. We say, “This doesn’t happen here,” but it does. Our nation is in trouble. We cannot waste our breath on blame; it’s the oldest trick to keep things exactly where they are. We cannot be shackled by fear; our silence will certainly bring death.

We all bear the weight of responsibility and until we accept that fact the chaos will continue. The luxury of time is no longer ours to take for granted.

As I sit here writing this, I wear a cheap, rubber rainbow bracelet. It’s a trinket you can pick up at any Pride celebration. I began wearing it when I felt fear creep beneath my skin. I wear it in defiance of that fear, but also as a reminder that I must act, must speak, must be the change. I wear it for those who came before and will follow after. I wear it for my family, for you and those you love, I wear it for this country, that we may be better. I wear it for me. To remind me that I am a part of this planet and all that we allow in it.

It’s time that we come together and find our common responsibility, that we put selfish things aside and embrace each other tight. I urge you to ask yourself, what kind of country do you want to live in? Now do something!

Jonathan Shuffield, of Spokane, is a writer, activist and co-host of the radio talk show OUTSpoken on KYRS.