Doug Clark: Bernie and Bubba in 24 hours – only Trump could make this week complete

Feel the Bern. Love the Bubba.

The Bernie Sanders for President campaign rolled into Spokane, followed by ex-President Bill Clinton stumping for his wife, Hillary, all in less than 24 hours.

If that isn’t a columnist’s, um, nocturnal fantasy I don’t know what is.

If Donald Trump shows up next week, I’ll have to be hospitalized.

What a great time for Spokane. The Zags are winning. The weather is warming. And all of a sudden we’re ground zero for political wrangling on a national scale.

This is due to the state’s Democratic caucuses to be held on Saturday, of course. That means 101 convention delegates are up for grabs for either Sanders or Mrs. Clinton, which explains why we’re suddenly on the A-list.

Well, at least we’re A-listers regarding Sanders.

On Sunday night, nearly 10,000 Sanders supporters crammed into Riverfront Park and our downtown conference center to, as they love to say, “Feel the Bern.”

The Sanders phenomenon is one of most amazing political youth movements I’ve ever witnessed.

The Bernie Army is made up of mostly 18- to 25-year-olds who revere the 72-year-old socialist-minded senator from Vermont as if he were a rock star.

Politics aside, I couldn’t be happier to see so many young people willing to overlook an aging man’s battle with male pattern baldness. That’s what I call hope for the future.

On the other side of the fray, Hillary, who has her party’s nomination all but locked up, sent Bill over here to address a much smaller crowd Monday inside the gymnasium at Spokane Falls Community College.

Some might argue that getting Bubba is settling for second fiddle.

Not me. Come on, we’re talking about Bill Freaking Clinton. The Man. The Legend. The Ol’ Tomcat hisself.

True, Hillary is running for history – to become America’s first female president.

But Bill is on his own historic quest. A Hillary victory next fall makes Bill Clinton the nation’s first White House Husband.

Which is a more dignified title for Mr. Clinton than the “Bill for First Lady” T-shirt that 18-year-old Matt Larson was wearing as he stood in line Monday.

I found it highly interesting to assess the differences between the Sanders and Bubba campaign events.

Here are a few that caught my eye:

• The Sanders rally brought out a group of religious zealots who held scary aborted baby signs and hollered a lot about eternal damnation.
• After Bubba finished, I walked outside the gym to see one young woman who was yelling something about an “earthquake” through a low-quality bullhorn.
• While waiting in line, Sanders supporters would often erupt into annoying chants of “Ber-Nie! Ber-Nie! Ber-Nie! …”
• While waiting to see Bubba, Emma Franklin, 30, blew soap bubbles to entertain her cutie-pie kids, Jackson and Miles.
• Getting in to see Sanders, I had to empty my pockets and then have an electronic wand run over my body by a stone-faced cop who was on the lookout for weaponry.
• Getting in to see Bubba, I gave my name and received a cheesy paper press pass and a safety pin. When I entered the gym, a young man gave me a handshake, thanked me for coming, and pointed toward some chairs where the media were supposed to sit.
• Waiting for Bernie to speak, the 1,000 people in the main conference room rocked out to loud recordings of tunes like “Rockin’ in the Free World,” “Disco Inferno,” (“Burn, baby, burn” – get it?) and David Bowie’s “Starman.”
• Waiting for Bubba, the 650 people in the gym were treated to some muffled unidentifiable background music that sounded like what you might hear at a high school car wash.
• At the Sanders confab, a forward-thinking guy told me I “should run for office.”
• Before Bubba spoke, a nice lady had me pose for a selfie with her to send to her husband.
• The Sanders event was nicely air-conditioned with the occasional waft of that unmistakable herbage.
• The Bubba gym soon grew stuffy and steamy from the all bodies crammed into it.
• The Sanders rally was raucous and filled with placard waving and ear-piercing screams of support.
• Bubba’s bash was hallmarked by polite applause and manageable hollers of approval.

Here’s what really intrigued me:

Both men, Bernie and Bubba, have that magical “it” factor that lures people like looters to a home appliance store. But while both visitors spoke on similar subjects – economy, equality, education, criminal justice, immigration – each speaker had his own way of mesmerizing the crowd.

Watching Sanders is like watching an elderly college professor thumping out the points he makes with a hypnotic and intriguing cadence.

It’s like he’s patiently telling you that your house is burning down and only he knows where the fire exits are located.

It may be total baloney. It probably is total baloney. But there’s no doubting that Bernie Sanders believes every word of it.

To see President Clinton in the flesh verifies everything I’ve ever heard about the man’s rare ability to connect with everyone in a room.

Or charm certain individuals into doing things she’ll later regret.

Charismatic. Affable. He moves his hands in a natural rhythm to what he’s explaining. His hair is the color of snow and expertly coiffed. His eyes and mouth smile often as he opens his palms in an “aw, shucks” manner.

His raspy voice has lost a significant amount of its former power. But he’s still so smooth that you can’t tell if he’s reciting a memorized speech or letting the words flow organically straight out of his head.

The Bubba Factor. It must drive candidate Hillary – an awkward, stiff and weirdly unnatural public speaker – positively crazy with envy.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.