Doug Clark: Trump is just what chaos junkies crave

I attended Donald Trump’s Saturday visit to Spokane with scattered emotions.

Part of me was excited just to hear the maverick billionaire deal-maker, while the other part of me was like a hockey fan.

You know, just there for the fights and the ejections.

Trump rallies have been known for their protests and dust-ups, so there’s always this undercurrent of “what’ll happen next?” going on.

The crowd was even schooled on how to handle protesters before Trump took the dais.

If, say, a protester started acting out, a speaker told the 4,000 assembled to step away from the miscreant and chant “Trump, Trump, Trump …” until experts can deal with the situation.

Strangely enough, this is the very same procedure used by Romanian peasants centuries ago to ward off werewolves and vampires.

“Trump. Trump. Trump.”

Anyway, history will show that The Donald’s time at the Spokane Convention Center was safe and mostly sane.

(Not counting the guy who walked by me wearing a blue T-shirt with the message “9/11 Was an Inside Job” on the front.)

By my scorecard only two troublemakers got the boot, although I’m not sure that the first one deserved his exit.

He was a young skinny goofball in a tight blue tie-dyed shirt. During the long wait prior to Trump’s speech, he seemed to be trying to create some mass love by jumping up and down, clapping his hands and prancing excitedly through the crowd.

As annoying as he was, I took him as a pro-Trumpster to the max.

Now, I never saw what the guy did to provoke his rude and quick removal. Maybe he was a spy for the Sanders campaign.

But it also seems possible that the steely-eyed and no-nonsense security men might have misunderstood the kid’s sophomoric behavior before giving him the bum’s rush – whoosh – out the back of the venue.

Or not. Perhaps we’ll never know.

The other forced exit was even weirder.

This man was near the podium when he apparently started interrupting Trump, which is considered a mortal sin in all major religions except Baha’i.

Trump stopped his meandering stream of consciousness a moment to ask:

“Is this guy on our side or not?”

Apparently not.

A beat later Trump gave the order, proving to critics that he can make the tough presidential calls under pressure.

As luck would have it, the security blokes carried the man right past me. In fairness, the straining look on his red face made me think that the poor guy was dealing with serious constipation issues rather than anything political.

Somebody should check Western State Hospital and see if another inmate is missing.

Too soon?

What a swell ride this political season has turned out to be.

Spokane is used to a bland beans and rice diet of city council and county commission races with the occasional Matt Shea road rage incident to keep us all from falling asleep.

But this year?

The political cuisine has been savory and fun.

Seeing Trump in the orange flesh completes my hat trick of presidential candidates still standing. Um, with a couple of caveats, that is.

First, Hillary Clinton did send hubby Bill here in her stead.

But Hillary’s voice makes my molars ache. Plus, I’ve always wanted to see the ex-President Bubba.

So I’m counting Bill’s visit to Spokane Falls Community College as a win-win.

And second, one can argue that “still standing” is not the term anyone would use to describe Hillary’s delegate-impaired opponent, avowed socialist Bernie Sanders.

There’s nothing Sanders can do to keep from coming into the Democratic Convention in Philadelphia as DOA.

Defeated On Arrival.

And then we have Trump. Partisan feelings notwithstanding, the rise and rise of outsider Donald Trump over 16 established Republican presidential candidates is a story for the ages.

As a chaos junkie I couldn’t be more excited for what lies ahead.

Clinton vs. Trump. Let the mayhem begin.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.