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Doug Clark: I’m no fighter pilot, but I do like a good belt buckle mystery
Welcome to the weird wide world of Doug Clark.
That’s the name on an old brass belt buckle that Dennis (who didn’t want his last name used) found next to his home in a storage building that had been cleaned out.
Curiosity piqued, Dennis searched the internet for “Doug Clark” along with “fighter pilot” and, well, “your name came up,” he wrote in a recent email to me.
It’s times like this that can test a columnist’s character.
Sure, Dennis, I was a fighter pilot once.
In my mind, that is. I was maybe 13 and soaring down the Mount Vernon hill on my Schwinn American.
Ah, I distinctly recall singing this weird dental-themed parody of the Air Force hymn that I think I got out of one of my brother’s Mad Magazines.
“Off we go into the wide mouth yonder, looking forrr molars to fill!”
For reasons unknown, I’ve never been able to get that damned ditty out of my head.
But as to the internet-based assumption as posed by Dennis, the answer, alas, is: No.
This incarnation of Doug Clark has never been in the military, let alone commanded the skies as a fighter pilot.
(NOTE: I did, however, once risk my life by riding in a small burger-shaped hot air balloon that was sponsored by Burger King. But I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count.)
Despite my military unworthiness, I managed to persuade my new faraway friend to send me said buckle with my vow to try to solve this two-part mystery.
Is the belt buckle legit?
And who is this fighter pilot who shares my name?
The rectangular buckle (as you can hopefully see in the photograph) is exactly 3 inches long by just over an inch and a quarter wide.
The words “Fighter Pilot,” are engraved over some sort of winged insignia, with “Doug Clark” engraved on the bottom.
So, is there anybody out there who can supply some answers? Contact me via the information below. Prizes await those who can actually help.
Not wanting to appear lazier than usual, I did a little research on my own.
I contacted Stan Roth, artifacts custodian for the area’s Honor Point Military and Aerospace Museum, and Duane “Tweet” Wolfe, president of the 92nd Memorial Association.
That association,Wolfe explained, was formed by “the original flight crew members of the 92nd Bomb Group who served at Bovington, Alconbury and Podington airfields in the UK during World War II.”
Impressive.
The consensus of both of these men is that the buckle is not military issue.
“I highly doubt it. Normally, the emblem would depict the type of aircraft or a squadron designation,” said Wolfe, who promised to do more research.
Roth speculates that a belt buckle like this could have been sold to military personnel in an exchange gift shop to enhance someone’s non-uniform wardrobe.
A fighter pilot, say, “would be happy to lay out money for an item like this,” said Roth, noting the “generic pilot wings” insignia.
Once monogrammed with the owner’s name, it could be worn as a sort of status symbol.
A little off-duty “swagger,” it’s called.
Which is what I intend to do with it should the buckle go unclaimed. The only problem is finding a belt big enough to go around me, but I’ve waddled down that road before.
In a way, it’s really lucky that Dennis located me.
I Googled my name not long ago and was quite disturbed to find Doug Clark the oddball Canadian TV evangelist and Doug Clark the serial killer who committed some unspeakable crimes that are too disgusting to repeat.
On the brighter side, there’s this Doug Clark real estate tycoon and my all-time favorite:
Doug Clark, late legendary leader of the “Hot Nuts,” an all-black party band that enjoyed some notoriety playing college venues back in the 1960s.
You know, one day I’d like to round up all the Doug Clarks in the Spokane area and take them to lunch – on my editor’s dime, of course.
It’d be a really cool way for me to show off my new belt buckle.
Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.