The Slice: To boldly go to good old Spokane

Let’s start by recognizing the 50th anniversary of the first airing of “Star Trek” this week.

Here are a couple of questions inspired by the occasion.

If an away team from the USS Enterprise beamed down to 2016 Spokane, what would they encounter? What if they beamed down to the Idaho Panhandle?

A) Yard sales featuring headless dolls, chipped dishes and disturbingly stained upholstered furniture. B) Drivers attempting to achieve warp speed on South Perry and Driscoll Boulevard. C) Earth marmots.

D) Other people (mostly in grocery stores) who also appear to be wearing pajamas. E) Preschoolers asking members of the away team, “Are you a stranger or a bad person?” F) A powerful force, possibly a tractor beam, emanating from Costco.

G) Golfers in a crapulent state, possibly due to overconsumption of tranya. H) Rabid tribbles. I) Congenial cashiers. “You fellas from out of town?”

J) Trash inappropriately placed in the recycle barrel. K) Thousands of Inland Northwest residents each staring at their own primitive tricorders. L) Fishermen using Klingon cuisine for bait.

M) Tattooed felons driving with suspended licenses. N) A nice old man noticing Spock’s ears and saying, “Well sir, more power to ya.” O) A family that has been at the all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet for nine hours.

P) Pickup trucks owned by men who, it could be argued, don’t really need pickup trucks. Q) Unimpressed cats. R) A teenage girl helping an elderly man cross the street and not making a big deal about it.

S) Someone who has just witnessed the away team re-materialize in Manito Park immediately swearing off recreational marijuana. T) Construction crews rebuilding roads with materials that will last about half an hour. U) Bears descended from the big bruins that put the fear of God into Lewis and Clark.

V) Someone asking them if a member of the away team would like to be the police chief. W) A well-intentioned city employee volunteering that they are too late for Expo ’74. X) The strange, unexpected urge to go ahead and move here.

Y) Some old guy yelling at the away team, telling them to get off his lawn. Z) Other.

Warm-up question: Has anyone in the Spokane area ever injured themselves getting up from a recliner or couch while watching football on TV?

Today’s Slice question: What was your first indication that you were going to get along with your new neighbors?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Please share your No. 1 memory of being in a school play.