The Slice: Let’s localize those Jack London stories

I know I’ve talked about winter a lot lately, and it’s still a couple of days before autumn starts.

Seems crazy, I know. But I cannot help but think those who try to scare newcomers with dire warnings about ice and snow are missing their chance.

I mean, if you are going to make our winters sound worse than they usually are, why not really go for it?

Instead of just muttering about frozen pipes and traction-free driving on hills, why not share some tales worth telling?

OK, these may not be technically true. But neither are many of the stories fear-mongers here already tell.

“Don’t remember what year it was. But I know the wolves came after the third night without power. We fought them off as best we could. But by the time it was all over, Cletus and Abigail were gone.”

“Well sir, it was one of those Polar Express winds. Like the frigid fingers of death, it reached inside your layering and grabbed you by the brisket. Oh, but it was awful.”

“It was a clear, sunny day. Then the tops of the trees started to sway. I told Martha to get the stock in the barn. But it was too late.”

“I was driving on the South Hill, can’t remember if it was Monroe or Freya. All of the sudden, I had this eerie sensation of floating. In a moment, I realized my tires were no longer in contact with the road. I was sliding on black ice. And gaining speed as I went. Steering was gone. You better sit down before I tell you what happened next.”

“Those high school kids who wear shorts to school in the dead of winter? They’re not in their right minds. Hopped up on goofballs, if you ask me.”

“We had these neighbors, the Donner family. They had these Winter Solstice parties. Got pretty wild. Well, one year … You know, on second thought, I don’t need to trouble you with that grisly tale. Welcome to Spokane. I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

Predict the football score: Will the third time be the charm for EWU?

2014: Northern Arizona 28, Eastern Washington 27

2015: Northern Arizona 52, Eastern Washington 30

2016: (Your prediction for Saturday’s game here.)

Guess the correct final score and you will be named Slice Soothsayer of the Year.

Today’s Slice question: Which have you enjoyed more: Family reunions or graduation class reunions?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. True or False: Post Falls was named after long-ago Major League outfielder Wally Post.