The Slice: How the Northwest was won

You won’t believe it, but another trove of journals written by Lewis and Clark’s cat has been discovered.

That pioneer animal, a short-haired six-toed feline named Tommy (after President Jefferson), was a little-known member of the Corps of Discovery. I first presented excerpts from this cat’s historic diary back in 1999. Here are a few more highlights from Tommy’s observations made during the famed 1804-06 expedition.

“The Mandan people seem dyspeptic. I have counseled a return to St. Louis.”

“Could really use a belly rub. But the men have encountered enormous angry brown bears and are busy soiling themselves.”

“You might recall the creature of my kind I met when we encountered the Nez Perce, a fetching calico feline named Sneaky Paws. Well, she has informed me that I am the father of at least some of her 12 unborn kittens and that bowling nights with the boys are over.”

“Gave Sacajawea a shin rub. She calls me Boo Boo.”

“Distant mountains that are obviously arching their back to make themselves appear bigger loom ahead. Clark still looks like he has to give up a hairball but is unable.”

“Everyone eating beans around the campfire. Again. P-U. This would make a funny movie scene if it weren’t so gross.”

“Love the taste of these Western birds. They act like they have never seen a cat. Works for me.”

“The only good sharp-snouted doglike creature is a dead sharp-snouted doglike creature. Keep those firesticks handy, boys.”

“The men have been talking about the snow certain to come. I counseled a return to St. Louis.”

“The Northwest is rich in mice. Fresh fish abundant. I could live here.”

“The men in the Corps of Discovery have not bathed in many moons. Just saying.”

“The fearsome blond bears are as fast as they are huge. The men smell even worse after encountering these unwelcoming bruins, if you catch my drift.”

“Lewis likes to scratch me behind the ears. It calms him, so I tolerate it.”

“The men think it is good luck to pet me. Their hands are rough.”

“I must say, I don’t miss the traffic and congestion back East.”

“Came face to face with a tan colored cat creature 10 times my size. Told it to go. Then I counseled a return to St. Louis.”

Today’s Slice question: If you had a sign posted next to your garden, what would it say?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. David Hein guessed the Tim Horton’s nearest to Spokane is in Trail, B.C.