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Thursday, January 17, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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News >  The Slice

The Slice: One more chance to get ’scoped

There’s still time for one more Slice Horoscope before the end of the year.

Remember, this is the only zodiac column tailored to your particular Spokane area needs and written by someone you might have flipped off in traffic.

As always, I guarantee this astrological reading to be as accurate as any other.

Aries: If you are planning on hosting a New Year’s Eve party, it’s time to start letting people know.

Taurus: Yes, 2017 could have gone better for you. Shake it off and go get ’em next year.

Gemini: Those gurgling noises you keep hearing might be coming from that past-date eggnog.

Cancer: If most of your friends are criminals, you need to be honest about the value of using them as job references.

Leo: The worst she can say if you ask her out is “No, I hate you – get away from me.”

Virgo: There are two problems with your plan to boldly declare at the party, “I can eat 50 eggs.” One is that it has already been done.

Libra: That’s what you’re wearing?

Scorpio: You stuck to all your 2017 New Year’s resolutions. Congratulations.

Sagittarius: This weekend might not be the perfect time to email your boss with frank feedback on his/her management style.

Capricorn: You can take the Santa cap off now.

Aquarius: So the family reunion was a disaster. Next year, you’ll know better.

Pisces: It’s not your fault people are jealous of you.

Spartacus: You wouldn’t be the first to toast the new year with chocolate milk.

Leviticus: Your Seattle brother-in-law’s opinion of Spokane is irrelevant.

Nougat: Pretty much everyone has now seen your “I Didn’t Vote For Him” sweatshirt.

Succotash: Admit it. Your cat might be the smartest member of your family.

Lumbago: Try to get past that humiliating Scrabble defeat.

Woohoo: Your friends know the truth about you, and they’re still your friends.

Lebowski: You don’t need no stinkin’ badges.

Zagacus: Your decision to stop blaming Spokane bodes well for your future.

Today’s Slice question: When asked to describe it, what do you imagine people say about the sound of your laugh?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470: email Among the additional names readers suggested to describe residents of Spokane (Wednesday’s column) were Spokanistas, Spokotans, Spokaniacs, Spokansans, Spokesters, Disappointed and Marmotonians.

Wordcount: 400
Tags: The Slice

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