The Slice: Maybe it’s time to start acting my age

It hasn’t happened yet.

But it’s just a matter of time. I’m 62, so sooner or later people are going to start calling me elderly.

It’s inevitable. The warning signs are there.

I’m already eligible for the senior discount at certain Spokane movie theaters. And about 20 years ago, a weekly newspaper here in town referred to me as “aging.”

Ouch. Until then, I thought I would be 42 forever.

So I suppose the die is cast. But it will be interesting to see in what contexts the label “elderly” first gets attached to me. I have a few guesses.

“Caleb, go ask that elderly man on the bicycle if he needs a drink of water.”

“Paul Turner? He’s that elderly columnist the paper employs to reach shut-ins. He mostly writes about ‘The Andy Griffith Show’ and the Beatles. My great-grandmother reads him.”

“I think it’s kind of sweet that he apparently still thinks about women, an elderly guy like that.”

“Kids, you know our elderly neighbor, Mr. Turner? I think it would be nice if you ran over to his yard and let him tell you to get off his lawn.”

And so on. My aim is to take this in stride. After all, I’ve never regretted my age. No sense starting now.

Born in the exact middle of the 1946-1964 baby boom, I’ve always had a lot of company when it came to pop culture references and shared societal milestones. But youth doesn’t last forever.

Still, I have to say I don’t feel elderly. Maybe that’s what having parents who live into their 90s does to your perspective.

Maybe I’ll wake up one day and discover my co-workers offering to help me up out of my chair. Perhaps I’ll be out walking in downtown and some fetching young woman will call me “Sir” and offer to help me cross the street.

Maybe it won’t be so bad being elderly. I can talk at length about my digestion and difficulty sleeping and people won’t call me boring. They’ll just say I’m right on schedule.

Or perhaps, as I approach my next birthday, I will hear that 63 is now the new 50.

That would be groovy. Truth is, I’m not really ready to be elderly.

I’ve seen up close what life is like for some of those who truly are elderly. And I’m not at all sure I’m up to it.

Today’s Slice question: At what age do you consider someone to be elderly?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. The Associated Press stylebook says to be cautious about using “elderly,” but I have an old edition.