Front Porch: Technology might drive me crazy, or to the beach

Once again I am compelled to write about technology and me – or, more accurately, how every device and electronic thingy out there is smarter than I am, also known as the modern-day old person’s dilemma.

I’m just about on board with getting a smartphone and have been researching what to buy. I don’t need the latest and greatest, so an older version will be just fine. I’m almost there in figuring out which one and, frankly, I’m feeling a bit proud of myself for getting this far, embracing new technology and being able to abandon my trusty old flip phone after our long and mutually satisfying relationship.

And then came the car.

We recently flew to Portland and rented a car for the trip to the beach, where we were to spend a few days. I arranged for a midsized car, but none was available when we arrived. So we got an upgrade, and there were two to choose from, one white and one silver. I pointed to the white one for no other reason than it was closest to where I was standing.

In we went and off we intended to go. If only we could start the car. There was no place to insert the key. We are not such troglodytes that we didn’t figure out pretty quick that it was a keyless ignition. Easy to find the start button. Bruce pressed it. No ignition. After a bit of fumbling, I went to the guy at the rental car lot and sheepishly asked how to start the car – a little embarrassing, but what the heck; I have gray hair, and that goes a long way toward engendering sympathy (rather than derision) from those who must render help.

I should mention that the newest vehicle in our own little fleet of home and work transportation is a no-frills 2007 Subaru, issued to us because we live in Spokane, where Subarus are mandatory.

After a 90-second tutorial (seems you have to step on the brake while pushing the button) and figuring out for ourselves how to operate the directional signals, lights and wipers (all pretty standard) – off we went.

We focused on getting through Portland and its bridges and connected to Highway 26, which would lead us to our destination, before trying to figure out the rest of the car. First problem – a digital dashboard. Bruce is used to levers, gauges, dials, switches and, frankly, a clutch. As I use a computer in my work and am the designated operator of the TV’s remote control, I am a bit more familiar with technology.

First problem, no gas gauge. Although the car was a hybrid and was alternatingly drawing power from the battery and then the gas tank, Bruce still wanted to be able to monitor gas consumption. As he drove, I gazed at the display and calculated that the group of vertical bars at the base of the screen was the “gauge” and that bars would disappear as gas was consumed, much like how power consumption works on our ancient cellphones. And, in time, I was proved right. Yea, me.

The fan was blowing too hard. How to turn it down? This one took a little longer. I found on the screen a little icon that looked something like a boat propeller, and then another one that was larger. Tap the smaller icon and the fan blew softer; tap the larger one, and, voila, more air. Getting good at this.

And so it went. An adventure the whole trip, with little discoveries and victories along the way. And failures. Now for those of you who are laughing at us, understand that we were laughing at ourselves the whole time, too. We are resigned to the fact that technology is galloping along way faster than we are, and we’re pretty much OK with that.

It was a little problematic, however, when we weren’t always successful in turning the car off. At least when we tried to get out of the car and lock the door while it was still running, it wouldn’t let us. Sometimes it’s good that the technology is smarter than we are. We learned we had to wait until the little musical notes told us the engine was off before locking the car from the outside.

The biggest overall impediment to our full enjoyment of this hybrid vehicle was the message that came on the screen that prompted us to connect with android, tablet, smartphone, whatever, so as to be able to do … well, I don’t know what, because we have none of those things.

We figured out what we needed to know to drive safely and had fun doing it – though we never did learn how to turn the radio on. Oh well, another time.

Voices correspondent Stefanie Pettit can be reached by email at upwindsailor@comcast.net.