The Slice: He won’t be attending any future lodge meetings

The Slice doesn’t usually serve up stories of animal carnage.

But I know there are Slice readers who do not care for marmots and long ago grew weary of my constant mentions of the regional rodents.

So if you are a marmot-hater, this story is for you.

An email arrived from Margaret Herron. “Have you heard of any other person who discovered that the reason why their car broke down and had to be towed was that a marmot wreaked havoc in the engine of the car?”

Actually Margaret, I have.

She continued. “That is what happened to my husband Terry (Wednesday) afternoon. He was driving when all of a sudden a loud squeak was heard from the engine and the car suddenly died.”

(This might be the time to move on, if you are squeamish.)

“A quick glimpse in the engine showed that the fan belt was now in a figure 8 position to say the least. The towing trip to the local Subaru dealer revealed that the damage to the fan belt was a result of a suicidal full-grown marmot.”

I’m going to assume that Margaret’s assessment of the marmot’s mental state is conjecture.

“I gather there was enough evidence left in the engine for the technicians to discern that the demised creature was full grown.”

Let’s hope the end came quickly for the rascally rodent in question.

“I have heard of cats and occasionally squirrels getting chewed up. But a marmot? So far no one I have told this to has ever had or heard of a marmot checking out the engine of a car.”

Apparently none of those people possess an encyclopedic recall of Slice columns going back to 1992. Because I have covered this topic to death, if you will excuse the unfortunate phrasing.

The next day another email arrived from Margaret. “The technicians down at Subaru of Spokane were very nice and sent via email pictures of the deceased marmot and a video of them taking it out of the car.”

She said she would be happy to forward the photos to me.

I declined her offer.

Warm-up questions: In Spokane, what seemingly obvious scam has somehow gained an aura of respectability or at least acceptance as a result of a combination of persistent drum-beating, issue fatigue and apathy?

Today’s Slice question: If all the grandparents suddenly disappeared, what would life in the Spokane area be like?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Spokane Valley’s Mark Slater would like to see a phone app that issues skunk smell alerts so drivers could plan alternate routes.