The Slice: When you’re shy about your reading material

Let me ask you something.

What G-rated magazine being purchased at a grocery store did you immediately hide under cans or produce after putting it on the conveyor belt and furtively looking around to see if anyone you know might be lurking near the checkout stand?

Relax. No need to be embarrassed. I’m not here to judge.

Maybe you were buying the magazine for your spouse or significant other. As a joke. Sort of.

Sure. That’s it.

Perhaps the two of you had talked about some HGTV personalities and their surreal attempts to keep their lucrative home-remodeling show going despite their marriage reportedly going up in flames.

You thought it might be fun to come home and announce that you had all the dirt on the TV couple’s sordid real-life antics.

So honestly, was there any need to get all weird about buying the magazine?

No. Of course, not.

Do you really think anyone at the store cared if you bought a copy of a celebrity-focused publication? Even if the cover featured a “Dig me/I’m a babe” photo of the wife in that HGTV couple.

The other people in the store have their own problems. Real problems. They don’t care if you have a shallow streak. Who doesn’t?

So there really wasn’t any need to act like you were buying porn or a hunting magazine.

And you didn’t need to mentally rehearse what you would say if the cashier held it up like a soiled diaper and offered a snarky comment on your choice of reading material.

But since you undoubtedly went to the effort to come up with a few rationalizations, maybe it would be interesting to see if your excuses match any of these.

“I work at a medical office and I am buying it for our waiting room.”

“I heard there was something about Spokane in this issue.”

“So I suppose you just read The Economist and The New Yorker.”

“I like to get all perspectives.”

“How’d that get in my basket?”

“I’m battling my tendency to be an elitist.”

“I buy it for the articles.”

“It could be worse.”

Today’s Slice question: How do you handle workplace colleagues who make friendliness contingent upon you not liking the same co-workers they don’t like?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. How many onetime Spokane Indians players who went on to the major leagues can you name off the top of your head? There are a lot of guys on the list.