The Slice: On the other hand, it might go well

There are 20 things that can go wrong when those at a social gathering in someone’s home decide to watch a movie.

Here are 19.

19. Disagreement about the proper volume finally erupts in a brawl.

18. Someone next to you on the couch starts asking “Who’s that?” before the opening credits finish.

17. One viewer’s requirement that the movie have a happy ending eliminates all of the choices you were interested in.

16. The person in control of the remote hits “pause” 13 different times to share anecdotes. “This reminds of …”

15. One of your fellow viewers consistently talks over the dialogue and then complains that he can’t hear what the characters on the screen are saying.

14. While selecting what to watch, veto power is granted to someone who repeatedly says “Never heard of it” when Academy Award winners are suggested.

13. One viewer’s pointed sniffs and snorts make you suspect what he really wants to say would be offensive and that makes it difficult to keep your mind on the story.

12. The movie is extremely well done, but it is so depressing that when it’s over everyone except the hosts just gets up, puts on their coats and trudges home.

11. The film turns out be wildly inappropriate for a family gathering.

10. The selected movie uncomfortably echoes recent painful real-life experiences of certain viewers (that everyone in the room knows about).

9. The person choosing the flick demonstrates judgment on a par with Travis Bickle’s when he took the Cybill Shepherd character to see porn in “Taxi Driver.”

8. Everyone else falls asleep and then, when the movie is over, wakes up and declares the film “flawed.”

7. You were enjoying visiting with friends and then, for two hours, conversation has to come to a halt.

6. Someone compares the sound of your laughter to a rip saw.

5. Some of the on-screen humor hits a little too close to home.

4. While yukking it up, you spill red wine on a white sofa.

3. Within two minutes, you realize the movie stinks.

2. Others continually leave to go to the bathroom and then, when they come back, ask what they missed.

1. The host says “Mind if I fast-forward through this part?”

Today’s Slice question: What are you planning for the Ides of March next week?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Baldness feedback, No. 2: “The worst thing about being bald is that I can’t have a man bun,” wrote Paul Campbell.