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The Slice: A guide for staying in your recliner

Every Friday, this section of the newspaper cheerfully includes options and suggestions about local activities and entertainment offerings.

You know, affordable fun for the whole family.

But it has always seemed as if something is missing. Something, if you will, that reflects a different, crankier sort of Spokane reality.

So today The Slice provides a list of “Reasons why some of us would not want to do that.”

Here are a dozen reasons. You just have to figure out to which activities or recreation choices they pertain.

1. I did that once and got hit in the face with a puck.

2. So how much of that festival do you get to sample before you’re falling down drunk?

3. Are you kidding me?

4. If I can’t even pronounce it, there might be other issues as well.

5. Do I look like I enjoy that sort of music?

6. And that would be more fun than staying home because….

7. That’s a good way to get a groin injury.

8. This sounds like something cooked up by my theater-major college roommate.

9. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have the epizootics that day.

10. I went to one of those shows in the ’80s. That was enough.

11. Honey, Daddy has to watch football on TV that day.

12. Your likelihood of getting me to go to any of Spokane’s 49 fests is the same as your chances of getting in to see the great and powerful Oz. Not no how.

Slice answers: “My wife, Lori, said that children would be the one thing keeping us from becoming snowbirds,” wrote Gary Roberto. “Now if money were not the issue, we could take them all with us. But that would defeat the purpose.”

John Petrofski listed several reasons why he won’t become a snowbird. Here’s one. “My 12-year-old snowblower still starts on the first pull.”

While we’re on the subject of winter: Here’s a memory Patricia Klingman shared.

“When our car was slow in starting and I had all four kids with me, I would say, ‘OK, everybody think good thoughts.’

“One day my little Stevie (now 50) said, ‘I think about good bears that don’t bite.’ ”

Hmmm. I think all bears bite. But something tells me they might have let Stevie off with a gentle noogie.

Today’s Slice question: What is your Spokane-centric super power?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; call (509) 459-5470; email When do you first feel the urge to den up?

Tags: The Slice

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