The Slice: In the matter of interviewing a pumpkin

It has been years since The Slice presented questions that could be used when interviewing pumpkins about an opening as your family’s Halloween jack-o’-lantern.

It’s time for an update.

First, let’s review the questions that probably should remain on your list.

Are you afraid of sharp objects?

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Do you have any shortcomings besides caring too much?

What drives you out of your gourd?

Are you well-rounded?

Could you work for a supervisor named Peter Peter?

What are the advantages of a rural upbringing?

Afraid of fire?

How would you have felt about being carried by the 1978 version of Jamie Lee Curtis?

Do you have a bad side?

OK, now let’s freshen things up with some 2017 questions.

How would you react if someone said your color makes you look like a certain politician?

Are you organic?

Will we be expected to buy you your own phone?

Have you had a flu shot?

Do you have any Satanic tendencies?

Do you believe in the Great Pumpkin?

The pros and cons of wood smoke: Let’s weigh the ups and downs of a seasonal classic.

Pro: It reminds you of where you were and what you were doing one fall afternoon when something wonderful happened.

Con: Technically, it’s air pollution.

Pro: When you are outside, it smells like Thanksgiving and makes you remember a loved one’s embrace.

Con: Inspires poetry.

Pro: Sometimes it makes you think of brooding old flames.

Con: Sometimes our home and hearth fantasies mock us.

Pro: If it’s see-your-breath cold and you can gaze at stars in a black sky, the aroma of wood smoke can be so evocative of certain hopes and dreams you can’t help but feel authentically alive.

Con: Everyone brought to mind by that signature autumnal aroma is gone.

Pro: If you are outside and you know someone in your home will be glad to see you when you come in, it can be the best smell.

Con: Marley’s dead, and so is summer.

Today’s Slice question: Ever been listening to someone chopping wood outside and then, when that sound stopped, wondered if you should be concerned?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. In the Northwest, it’s good luck to catch an apple falling from a tree.