Dear Annie: I’m an attractive, well-educated, mature woman. A year ago, an old boyfriend contacted me. We rekindled our romance and have a long-distance relationship. We have spent several weeks together on three different vacations. He insisted that I visit him. He bought me a plane ticket and made reservations for me to spend six weeks at his home. One of his female “friends” called several times a day, constantly interrupting our intimacy. He called her affectionate names and took the calls privately. She insisted on being included in all of our plans, controlling and domineering our time together and insisting on driving us to bars and restaurants. He ignored my objections to this constant inclusion.
When she drove us to one bar, she announced, “If anyone gets mad tonight, you’re walking home.” Obviously, she had hopes of upsetting me. While we were at the bar, my boyfriend totally ignored me. He turned his back to me and sat knee-to-knee with this woman. They held hands and lovingly gazed into each other’s eyes, cooing affectionately about what they had “been through together.” I sat there, humiliated and hurting, saying nothing, trying to ignore them.
The next day, I told him how disrespected and hurt this made me feel. He brushed it off and offered no apology to me. I told him that I did not want to see this woman anymore; however, she invited herself to breakfast with us and showed up at his door, and we had to ride with her again. (When I objected, he told me that if we ever broke up, it would be my fault because I can’t get along with his friends. Also, when I asked him whether he and this woman have sex, he defended her and didn’t answer my question). At breakfast, again they sat there ignoring me and staring lovingly at each other, and he said to her, “It’s been a long time since you’ve been in my hot tub.” I sat there like a fool, helplessly fighting back the tears, trying to maintain a shred of dignity.
Even though he insisted that I visit him, bought my plane ticket and says he loves me, he obviously couldn’t care less about my feelings. I was 2,000 miles from home, in a huge, unfamiliar city, with no one to call and nowhere to go. Please tell me what I should have done in that situation. – Totally Disrespected
Dear Totally Disrespected: You should have gotten on an earlier flight home and mailed this cad an invoice for the re-booking fee. Really, “cad” doesn’t even begin to cover it. He flew you across the country to visit him – only so you’d have a front-row seat for his dalliances with another woman. Something is definitely up between them. And they both seem to relish the drama, almost as if it’s some kind of sick game to them. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Toss this eel back, and cast your line anew.
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