Here’s a look at our all-movie All-Star team
Uncle Rico (Jon Gries), “Napoleon Dynamite.” He’d have taken state, no doubt.
Julian Washington (LL Cool J), “Any Given Sunday.” Really did punch Jamie Foxx in the face.
Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.), “Jerry Maguire.” Show him the money.
David Wooderson (Matthew McConaughey), “Dazed and Confused.” He made all-district; Richard McGrath didn’t.
Phil Elliott (Nick Nolte), “North Dallas Forty.” Too bad he confused brains with luck.
Roberta Muldoon (John Lithgow), “The World According to Garp.” In the NFL, she was known as Robert.
Louie Lastik (Ethan Suplee), “Remember the Titans.” Rats out roommate for leopard bikini briefs.
Bud-Lite Kaminski (Abraham Benrubi), “The Program.” “Great pass, man – wish I’d seen it.”
Billy Bob (Ron Lester), “Varsity Blues.” They scanned his cat and he was good to go.
Manumana (Peter Navy Tuiasosopo), “Necessary Roughness.” His name means “runt of the litter.”
O.W. Shaddock (John Matuszak), “North Dallas Forty.” He calls it a game, we call it a business.
Steve Lattimer (Andrew Bryniarski), “The Program.” Just keep the NCAA drug testers away from him.
T.J. Lambert (Brian Dennehy), “Semi-Tough,” He was born semi-mean.
Ed Lawrence (John Goodman), “Everybody’s All-American,” “There’s no such thing as a late hit!”
Luther “Shark” Lavay (Lawrence Taylor), “Any Given Sunday.” Saws QB Willie Beaman’s Suburban in half.
Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea (Shawna Waldron), “Little Giants.” Icebox doesn’t like boys, except that one.
Charles Jefferson (Forest Whitaker), “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.” Needs two tickets to Earth, Wind and Fire.
Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), “The Waterboy.” “That’s what I call high quality H2O.”
Stefen Djordjevic (Tom Cruise), “All the Right Moves.” He didn’t quit, you quit.
Trumaine (Wesley Snipes), “Wildcats.” Best skill: hot-wiring cars.
Earl Wilkinson (Michael Jace), “The Replacements.” Released from prison by the governor to play.
Petey Jones (Donald Faison), “Remember the Titans.” Bad hands, moved to defense.
Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland), “Necessary Roughness.” Welcome to foot-BALL.
Forrest Gump (Tom Hanks), “Forrest Gump.” Remember to close the stadium gates.
Coach Conrad, “Dazed and Confused.” You’re in need of a serious attitude adjustment, young man.