Paul Turner: Some reflections on Independence Day

Independence Day can be an occasion for looking back, for reflection.

With that in mind, here are a few column items I’ve run over the years that deal with the Fourth of July.

Let’s start with one from 1999.

Irreconcilable differences: Spokane’s Stephen Schuck is an American. His wife, Beverley, is from England.

A few years back, their daughter asked for an explanation of Independence Day. Stephen tried to be tactful.

He told the little girl that Fourth of July celebrations noted the day Mommy’s country and Daddy’s country got a divorce.

Here’s one from 1995.

Independence Day revisited: According to Gabby Hendrix, 8, that’s the day when you celebrate having your “independix” removed.

Here’s one from 2001.

Patriotism lives in North Idaho: “My family always goes to a mountaintop to view the local Pinehurst KOA fireworks show,” wrote Barbara Boyle, of Enaville. “This year we invited some friends to go with us.

“The wind must have been just right because we could hear the loudspeaker at the (July Fourth) festivities. Prior to the fireworks show, a singer sang the national anthem.

“Our group, on a darkened mountaintop far from the public eye, all stood up.

“Definitely brought the proverbial lump to my throat.”

This next one, from 2003, is only Independence Day-related in a peripheral way. But I liked it then, and still do.

We can stop the search for a snappy new civic slogan.

It has been found.

“My sister-in-law from L.A. flew up the Spokane on July 4th for her first visit to the Inland Northwest,” wrote Marilyn Hall, of Kettle Falls.

As the plane was in its approach path for landing, she looked down and saw the Spokane River and the city itself. It was about then that she heard a little girl seated behind her get all excited and call to her mother.

“Look Mommy,” the little girl said. “We’re landing in the city of trees.”

Here’s a slightly less elegant kid item from 1997.

After the fireworks in Coeur d’Alene the other night, the Cheeley family was headed back to the house when little Gabriel, who is almost 3, piped up.

“It’s time to go home when my underwear turns green,” he declared.

Nobody argued with him.

On July 4, 1998, I offered the following.

Blowing off a finger can really take the shine off the holiday.

You’ve heard the warnings a million times.

But consider this reminder from the Inland Optometric Society about what many consider to be the most harmless of fireworks: “Sparklers often burn at temperatures over 1,500 degrees and a hot spark can seriously burn an eye.”

I was once again feeling like a scold on July 4, 2006.

You’ve got to feel sorry for people working in emergency rooms tonight.

Just think. When they see patients who got drunk and then hurt themselves with fireworks, these medical professionals won’t be allowed to say “Serves you right, moron.”

This next one is from July 3, 2007.

Here’s a question.

Do you think people who are apt to blow themselves up with fireworks read the newspaper?

I’m thinking they probably don’t. Just a guess.

Oh, it’s not like I assume all S-R readers are incapable of idiocy. I mean, have you ever glanced at the letters to the editor?

No. I just don’t picture newspaper readers – an admittedly diverse lot – being all that into fireworks. So is there any point to printing warnings and cautionary tales about the handling of same? Isn’t that just preaching to the choir? Maybe.

Still, newspaper readers sometimes associate with nonreaders. Perhaps they can nag those folks about playing with explosives.

So consider this your reminder to point out the dangers. After all, someone’s got to say it.

“You’ll put your eye out.”

Then there was this, from July 3 of last year.

Today’s fireworks advice: This comes from Gary Polser, a retired Air Force bomb disposal technician.

“Leave your matches at home and watch others from a safe distance.”

Lastly, here’s an excerpt of an item that appeared shortly before the Fourth. It ran in 2005.

With this summer being the 30th anniversary of “Jaws,” we’ve all got one question. What if that blockbuster movie had been set in the Inland Northwest?

Sounds crazy, I know. But think about it. A few changes in the backdrop and the storyline and it might have worked.

We’d just need a little script-tweaking.

1. Quint: “Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This trout, swallow you whole.”

2. Mayor Vaughn: “You yell barracuda, everybody says ‘Huh? What?’ You yell trout, we’ve got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.”