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Paul Turner: It’s not just politics that divide us – so do sweet onions, beards and pool water

FILE - Sweet Lou, holding a jumbo Walla Walla sweet onion, before a baseball game last summer. (Jesse Tinsley / The Spokesman-Review)
FILE - Sweet Lou, holding a jumbo Walla Walla sweet onion, before a baseball game last summer. (Jesse Tinsley / The Spokesman-Review)

When it is suggested that there are two kinds of people in the Spokane area, it’s tempting to think of politics.

But there are more dividing lines than that. Here, I’ll show you.

Those who look at the calendar today and think of “Ode to Billie Joe,” and those who don’t.

Those who really wish the time/temperature sign at 14th and Grand was still working, and those who don’t care.

Those for whom Interstate 90 is a part of life at least five days a week, and those for whom it is not.

Those who have been actively involved in running off a church pastor, and those who haven’t.

Those who get excited about going to a casino, and those who don’t.

Those who remember when ArtFest was at its old location, and those who don’t.

Those who think bicyclists, bus riders and people who occasionally walk more than 50 feet should be reported to the House Un-American Activities Committee, and those who don’t.

Those who believe WSU has finally embraced athletics budget reality, and those who don’t.

Those who want to see stories in the newspaper about GU basketball 365 days a year, and those who don’t.

Those who are afraid of foods they cannot pronounce, and those who aren’t.

Those who believe their facial hair makes a powerful statement, and those who don’t.

Those who are snobs about what constitutes a “sweet onion,” and those who are not.

Those who remember the downtown Spokane Grand Prix, and those who do not.

Those who can sing the old Hamm’s beer jingle, and those who can’t.

Those who had relatives who knew Henry Kaiser when he lived here, and those who don’t.

Those who can name the six new franchises that doubled the size of the National Hockey League for the 1967-68 season, and those who can’t.

Those who remember seeing B-52s over Spokane, and those who don’t.

Those who get their news from Facebook, and those who don’t.

Those who experience Portland envy, and those who don’t.

Those who express their personality through nontraditional pizza toppings, and those who don’t.

Those who like to have things dangling from the rear-view mirror, and those who don’t.

Those who long to live in Boise, and those who don’t.

Those who are in denial about the presence of racism in Spokane, and those who aren’t.

Those who still have their Spokane Chronicle delivery tube, and those who don’t.

Those who are concerned about public shoreline access, and those who aren’t.

Those who no longer speak to certain members of their extended families because of immunization, and those for whom that is not the case.

Those who think their hats say it all, and those who don’t.

Those who are leery about swimming pool water, and those who aren’t.

Those who think showy marriage proposals in public places are appealing, and those who don’t.

Those who keep up a steady stream of complaining throughout the entire camping trip, and those who don’t.

Those who still refer to the elegant downtown building as “the ONB,” and those who don’t.

Those who check out yard sales, and those who don’t.

Those who remember AAA baseball in Spokane, and those who don’t.

Those who think the tall “BUFFET” sign downtown would be the only thing left if Spokane got nuked, and those who don’t.

Those who make sure you know where they went to college within two minutes of meeting you, and those who don’t.

Those who understand how hard the death of a longtime pet can be, and those who don’t.

Those who saw Elvis perform in Spokane, and those who didn’t.

Those who like the way they look in a swimsuit, and those who don’t.

Those who think Spokane is a great place to drive a convertible, and those who don’t.

Those who have been to all three national parks in Washington, and those who haven’t.

Those who like salmon/huckleberries/lentils, and those who don’t.

Those who think Lewis and Clark were a Cold War comedy duo, and those who don’t.

Those who have seen a grizzly bear in the wild, and those who haven’t.

Those who regard fly fishing as a mytho-poetic experience, and those who don’t.

Those who believe pop music achieved perfection in 1974, and those who don’t.

Those who think Spokane is the best place they have ever lived, and those who don’t.


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