Miss Manners: Is nose-blowing acceptable at the table?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was out with a lady friend of mine when my nose started to run. I pulled out my handkerchief and blew my nose. She then told me that it is rude to do so at the table.

This is the first time in my 59 years of living that I ever heard such a thing. Is she right? I would not ever mean to be rude.

GENTLE READER: And you have doubts about how polite it would be to sit there letting your nose drip?

Miss Manners receives lots of complaints about nose-blowing, but such denunciations are never accompanied by alternative suggestions.

It is true that if there is a serious nasal problem, the offender might be better off home in bed. But for lesser problems, even if they are chronic, it is not so easy to keep leaving the table.

She presumes that it is when the blowing is accompanied by unattractive honking that it offends. Perhaps you can learn to blow discreetly and quietly, unless the situation is indeed serious enough to make you leave the table.

But unpleasant noises that have no place at the table include accusations of rudeness lobbed at one’s fellow diners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a physician, I recommend strongly against allowing others to try on one’s rings.

One evening, two distraught young women came into the emergency room where I was working. One, newly engaged, had allowed the other to try on her ring. The ring became stuck and could not be removed. The finger was beginning to swell.

Fortunately, using a stout thread and a great quantity of soap, I was able to remove the ring without cutting off either the ring or the finger. An event such as this would cast quite a pall over an engagement party.

GENTLE READER: Yes, indeed. Even without the appalling threat of losing a finger or smashing a ring, Miss Manners considers this a bad idea.

She presumes that the newly engaged lady was not offering to toss her ring around, although you never know. It is more plausible, although still rude, that a guest had asked to try it on. The response, then, should be, “Oh, I don’t like to take it off,” with a blushing smile.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m seeing restaurants place napkins to the right side of where a plate will go, instead of to the left. Sometimes all the silverware, including the fork, will be on the napkin to the right side. In a major home design magazine, the photo stylist placed napkins under the knife on the right side.

Have I missed something? I thought napkins were placed on the left side of the plate. You will see tables set with napkins laid vertically on the plate also, which I assume is correct and something fancy to do on occasion.

What’s going on? What should I do at home, when placing the napkin?

GENTLE READER: Napkins do belong to the left of the forks or centered on the service plate. Restaurants and stylists may have nothing better to do than to mess around with the correct placement, but Miss Manners does, so there has been no change since you learned to set the table correctly.