Miss Manners: Guests preemptively admonished at housewarming party

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I attended a housewarming party at a friend’s new condo, we weren’t surprised when we were asked to remove our shoes at the door. But we were surprised when told that we could not open the bottle of red wine that we had brought to share with others.

When asked why, the host replied that new carpet had just been installed. We were even more surprised to find a sign in the restroom telling male guests to sit, not stand, when using the facilities. Would you have been surprised?

GENTLE READER: Little surprises Miss Manners these days.

Dispensing etiquette lessons to your friends is rude – and doubly so if the infraction has not yet occurred.

It sounds as if your friend has patronized one too many theaters or restaurants, most of which now routinely post etiquette injunctions such as, “Silence your cellphones during the show” or “Throw discarded paper towels in the trash can.” They do this in the vain hope that the patrons will refrain from antagonizing one another, at least on the premises.

Your friend has no such justification, and you are right to be surprised – unpleasantly so – at being admonished not to soil the carpet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a professional job interview at a restaurant, where I was told “we could have an informal interview while we grab a bite to eat.” Thinking that eating a meal might be part of the interview process, I agreed.

At the restaurant, I ordered a small salad and an iced tea. The man interviewing me asked all the expected interview questions, and I felt I managed them all – as well as all etiquette requirements.

At the end of the meal, the interviewer figured my portion of the bill, plus tax and tip, and asked for it in cash. I was flummoxed, and soon realized the “interview” was just a ploy to get reimbursed for his “business expense.”

I never heard from the interviewer again, even when I called to inquire about the job. I did pay my share of the bill, but had to dig into my rent money to do so. What should I have done? What can I do to avoid this in the future?

GENTLE READER: That you evidently have nothing more to expect from the interviewer is disappointing, but it makes it easier to address your specific complaint.

Write to the interviewer’s boss, reviewing the facts of your application and your interest in the company. Your stated purpose in writing will be to learn if the position is still available, since you assume, from the lack of follow-up, that the interviewer is either no longer on the search or no longer employed by the company.

You may then say that you were surprised that the interviewer asked you to pay for an interview lunch, but assume that is not regular company policy. In future, it should be straightforward to avoid scheduling interviews at meal times.