Paul Turner: A word of (unsolicited) advice to this year’s graduates

Something tells me that when graduation invoices, er, announcements arrive in the mail, the students (or parents) who sent them expect a gift.

Call it a hunch.

But what if, instead of dutifully remitting a check or replying with a note asking that the graduates refresh your memory about just who they are, you offered them some free advice?

I know. I can hear it now. Wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And yet I am unmoved. Advice is the gift that keeps on giving, which is good as it is unlikely the young scholars will be acutely receptive to your sage counsel right now. But perhaps your mature wisdom will mean something to them down the road.

You say you don’t have time to come up with personalized advice? No problem. Got you covered.

Here are some options. And unlike last year, when readers were asked to come up with replacements for “Plastics” – it’s in “The Graduate,” kids – these bits of advice are not limited to one word. (Last year, readers suggested “marijuana” and “robotics.”)

A) Try to secure an out-of-court settlement. B) Pick up after yourself. C) Don’t be shy about singing. D) Don’t just put your spare key under the mat.

E) Own your mistakes. F) Don’t just say, “Help me remember …” – write it down. G) Imagine all the people sharing all the world. H) Live as if you actually understand germ theory.

I) Realize that if your boyfriend/girlfriend does not find your genuine modesty appealing, you probably ought to be with someone else. J) Have respect for the slide-rule generation. K) Understand the difference between fearless and stupid. L) If, like in those TV commercials, someone snatches the sandwich right out of your hand and starts eating it, declare that you are now going to drop the gloves.

M) Keep in mind that sometimes those who disappoint you reside in a world that doesn’t always work for them and maybe they are doing the best they can. N) Be part of that small percentage of Spokane’s population not currently engaged in stealing bicycles. O) Learn the difference between asking for help and trying to get someone else to do your work. P) Know what you are talking about, even when those around you do not appear to believe facts matter.

Q) Wear pants that fit. R) Hug your old dog and thank him/her for always being there for you. S) Know the difference between keeping someone’s secret and putting that person at risk of not getting the help he/she needs. T) Find a way to express your inner wild man that does not involve alcohol and automobiles.

U) Stand up when a white-haired, decorated combat veteran enters the room (unless it’s your great-grandfather and it annoys him when you do that). V) Take care of your teeth. W) Read.

X) Exercise. Y) Don’t let your elders get away with romanticizing everything about the past. Z) When you are at a baseball game, have fun but always be aware of the danger posed by laser-like foul balls.

Just wondering

Do you say “Happy Mother’s Day” to women even if you don’t know that they are parents?

Iconic moment in Pacific Northwest sports history

Last week I asked if residents of our region recall any one moment in athletics in much the same way older New Englanders regard Bobby Orr’s famous goal in 1970.

Patsy Wood nominated Drew Bledsoe’s long touchdown pass to WSU teammate Phillip Bobo in the snowy 1992 Apple Cup.

But Walt Lindgren and others said it has to be the Edgar Martinez double in the bottom half of the 11th inning on Oct. 8, 1995, at the Kingdome. That hit against the New York Yankees, often referred to as the biggest in Seattle Mariners history, brought home the tying and winning runs and sent the team on to play for the American League championship.