Front Porch: Etiquette should still matter

We are right now smack dab in the middle of National Etiquette Week. It has come none too soon, and while I fear it may be too late for such quaint notions as etiquette and courtesy, I hold tight to the hope that it’s not.

Despite anyone’s individual political stripe, it would be hard to argue that we have not only become – but also gleefully embraced – coarseness, rudeness, discourtesy and a level of verbal and behavioral cruelty to one another that may be unrivaled among first-world countries. Worse yet, our children are watching … and learning.

What has made me think that all may be lost is last week’s comment by a White House staffer that Sen. John McCain’s opposition to the nomination of Gina Haspel as director of the CIA was irrelevant because “he’s dying anyway.”

Oh lordy, we are doomed.

And locally – last week I was in a fast-food drive-through line, and the car in front of me couldn’t quite pull up to the speaker. Upon noticing that the driver in front of him had a large gap in front of her, Mr. Loudmouth leaned on his horn, stuck his head out his window and shouted an expletive and a derogatory term, demanding she move her car.

Hugely less offensive was the shopper I saw in a grocery store who placed – I didn’t exactly count – something like 20 items on the counter of the 10-items-or-less checkout line. Surely not a hanging offense, but inconsiderate nonetheless.

So here we are in National Etiquette Week anyhow, and it couldn’t be needed more. The fact that it even exists – it was founded by Sandra Morisset in 1997 to celebrate the value of good manners – offers a glimmer of hope, though a flickering and fleeting one.

Morisset, a graduate of the Protocol School of Washington and a professional etiquette consultant, has been quoted in various news stories that “etiquette is not just about what fork to use. It’s about your self-awareness and treating others with respect.”

And as the expert on such things, Emily Post said it best: “Good manners reflect something from inside – an innate sense of consideration for others and respect for self.”

So please, for the six or seven people nationally who are noting the occasion, I urge you to share just a few bits of advice gleaned from those who work in the field of etiquette and protocol. It’s basic, simple stuff really, but I think that’s maybe all we can hope for in these times. Here are six little things that help pave the road to common courtesy and etiquette:

“Please,” “thank you” and “you’re welcome” are not old-fashioned words. They fit well in conversation and engender good feelings in others who hear them.

Eye contact. Focus on the person you’re with, which means not looking down at your cellphone during your conversation with the living breathing person right in front of you.

Smile more. You’ll appear friendly and approachable. (Personal note: for those of us who are older, gravity does wicked things to our resting facial expressions, so we sometimes look grumpy when we’re really not.)

Show up on time (the other person’s time is as valuable to him/her as yours is to you); and as a corollary, respond to all RSVP invitations by the date requested.

If all else fails, make the Golden Rule your mantra. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

The following two bonus suggestions don’t come from the experts, but rather directly from me. First, choose to be a good listener. Often times a person just wants to share an experience or worry and isn’t looking for intervention or shared outrage, just a sounding board. Read the body language to know when to engage and when to be still.

And also, consider some basic telephone manners. For example, speak slowly and clearly when you leave a message. My hearing is just fine, but I can’t tell you how often it’s been impossible to comprehend the intended message from the mumbled words delivered in rapid fire staccato, set against the loud voices of others near the caller or perhaps a TV in the room. And a phone number provided in such a message comes out as a garbled rush of undiscernible digits. So if you wonder why I haven’t called you back, that’s why.

Which brings me back to National Etiquette Week. It really embarrasses me that some of these elementary – and I would think, obvious – courtesies even need pointing out, not to mention promoting. But they do. So please observe the week and let its message move forth throughout the land like a rising tide of goodness, now and henceforth across the generations.

Voices correspondent Stefanie Pettit can be reached by e-mail at upwindsailor@comcast.net.