Miss Manners: Minding the manners of smart appliances

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you have a robot vacuum cleaner that runs through your house regularly, and it begins its scheduled run while you have casual company over, is it impolite to let it continue, or should the job be canceled? Does it matter if it is currently running in another room, where you can hear it but it is not underfoot?

GENTLE READER: Intelligent appliances are unavoidable, as are, perhaps, the crude attempts to anthropomorphize them by making them surly. It is only a matter of time before your vacuum cleaner orders you out of the way with a sarcastic quip.

Before that happens, Miss Manners wishes to remind everyone that your electronic devices are not your children. Etiquette highlights the distinction by reversing the now-ignored dictum about children: Appliances may be heard, but should not be seen. The robot vacuum cleaner can therefore be left to its own devices if it can be trusted not to make an appearance in the living room. Miss Manners says this in anticipation of the inevitable invention of the washing machine that wanders the house, absent-mindedly looking for discarded socks.

The rule must, however, be adapted to preserve homeowner and guest comfort: for example, turning off the dishwasher that drowns out dinner conversation, but leaving on the space heater that, the boiler having failed, is staving off frostbite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you have an opinion on acceptable etiquette for those attending musical performances in a casual outdoor setting? I experience frequent frustration, because when I attend a concert, I go to listen and watch the performers. It seems rude to engage in conversation while they are performing. However, the majority of the attendees don’t really seem to care at all about the music, and talk through the entire evening.

I live in a small town, and it is difficult NOT to encounter someone I know at these events, who then talks to me throughout the entire evening, in spite of my subtle signals that I am really trying to get into the music.

I don’t want to be rude or hurt someone’s feelings. I almost feel that the only solution is to arrive later in the performance, when the crowd is larger, so that I can hide in back. But it seems unfair that I have to miss part of the performance because of these people who don’t CARE about the performance. Any suggestions on comments that I could make that could gently give them the hint? Or is it hopeless?

GENTLE READER: Singlehandedly correcting the manners of an entire audience is hopeless, but avoiding conversation yourself is not.

Most people will become discouraged after a few distracted, monosyllabic responses. If not, Miss Manners recommends acknowledging – sympathetically – your friends’ desire to have a conversation, then stating that as you particularly wanted to hear this piece, you are going to find a spot closer to the stage. The advantage of a small town is that after you have done this, word will get around that you are finicky about people talking during the concert.