Dear Annie: Our 28-year-old grandson is marrying his college girlfriend, whom we have known for over seven years. For all of our grandson’s life and the years we have known his fiancee, my name has always been “Chris.”
We just received their wedding invitation, and it is addressed to Jeff and “Judy.” Although my legal name is “Judith,” never has anyone in my grandson’s life called me “Judy.” I would bet he never even knew my legal name is Judith.
I am deeply hurt, and although I was so looking forward to this wedding, I do not want to attend.
We have shared sailing vacations together; we have traveled hundreds of miles to take them both out to dinner. We have always expressed our love and support for them, always as Pop Pop and Miss Chris.
What do I do with this hurt and pain? – Deeply Hurt in Florida
Dear Deeply Hurt: Though addressing someone by her correct name in a formal invitation is important, people make mistakes. And the mistake in this case should be forgiven. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Let your grandson and his fiancee know about the error in the invitation, and tell them you would like your place card on your table to say “Chris.”
The hurt and pain you are feeling could be misplaced onto your grandson and fiancee. Sometimes parents and grandparents have a difficult time with weddings, as they are seeing their children/grandchildren begin a new chapter of their lives.
Assuming they say sorry and agree to list you as Chris on your place card, you should attend the wedding. What a joy that you have gone on sailing vacations together and traveled far and wide to take them to dinner. Why would you want to throw all that love away over a misunderstanding about your name?
Congratulations to you and your family on your grandson’s wedding. Go and celebrate!
Dear Annie: Every time I read in your column the subject of thank-you notes, I feel so ashamed. As a young woman, I never sent thank-you notes for the lovely gifts I got at my wedding. My dear mother asked me several times to do this, but I let it go. Looking back, I can see that I was so thoughtless and self-centered. I can only imagine her embarrassment with her friends.
Now I’m the mother of the bride, and guess what. What goes around comes around. Please, if you are a young woman reading this, you will be so sorry later in life if you don’t write those thank-you notes now. – Feeling Ashamed
Dear Feeling Ashamed: Everyone makes mistakes. When you know better, you do better. So please forgive yourself and put your shame to rest.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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