Turner: On being the ‘afterthought’ city – it’s a known issue
Late last week, I stumbled upon the perfect all-purpose saying for life in Spokane.
My wife and I had gone up to Comcast to swap modems. (Did you know the customer service center is now on North Division Street instead of at the old North Side location with all the big dishes out front?)
The young man we dealt with was friendly and helpful. We had zero complaints about our experience there.
But at some point, almost as an aside, we mentioned a problem we were having with recorded cable TV programs. We hadn’t gotten far in our characterization of the situation when the guy offering assistance cut us off.
“It’s a known issue,” he said, flatly.
From this and a brief follow-up exchange, we inferred two things: It was a systemwide matter, not just something happening at our house on the other side of town. And they were on it.
But long after we had left Comcast (or is it Infinity?) to continue our errands, that expression was still stuck in my mind.
“It’s a known issue.”
I couldn’t help but think it could be employed as a response in all sorts of situations.
Someone wants to break the news that Spokane has potholes?
“It’s a known issue.”
An acquaintance observes that the New England Patriots will be in the Super Bowl yet again?
“It’s a known issue.”
Your spouse reminds you about something you said you were going to take care of but so far have failed to address?
“It’s a known issue.”
You’re almost out of bread? Someone needs to walk the dog? There undoubtedly are children in Spokane who have never seen their father wear a shirt with a collar? The truck is making a funny noise?
Yes, that’s right. “It’s a known issue.”
What would be your ideal setup for that comeback?
Living in Afterthoughtville
Years ago, a friend of mine worked for the newspaper in Fort Worth, Texas. Either he or one of his editors noticed that some national public relations firm had issued a news release in which their north Texas stomping grounds had been described as “the Fort Worth/Dallas area.”
Not Dallas/Fort Worth, as is the custom.
So my friend Robert got on this like a duck on a June bug. Why had the PR firm used that exact wording? Was this the start of a trend? Were the days of referring to Fort Worth as a Cowtown a thing of the past? Et cetera, et cetera.
I think of that sometimes when the Seattle/Spokane thing comes up. At least, I reason, we’re not as whacked out about being in second place as the Saint Pauls or Oaklands of the world. After all, we aren’t right next door.
But what’s it like to live in Tacoma, in the shadow of a city that is a four-star national darling?
Maybe Tacomans get used to it. Though I wonder if people in Michigan or Georgia ever think of their city as interchangeable with Spokane.
I guess it doesn’t really matter. But it does sort of make me want to refer to the Evergreen State as the Spokane/Tacoma area.
Reporting to you live
So perhaps you have wondered. You know the steady parade of fresh-faced young people who work in Spokane TV news? It’s an ever-changing lineup. But what happens to the ones who work here for a short time and then seem to disappear?
I don’t actually know. But here are my theories.
They accept jobs at stations in larger markets.
They join crime families, which offer better benefits packages.
They become professional wrestlers.
They get weirded out by Spokane interviewees and decide to go to law school.
They marry someone with a significant income and retire at 24.
They go into the witness protection program.
They become farmers and raise organic crops.
They get the band back together and go on the road.
They invent something and get rich.
They enlist in the president’s Space Force.
They get a job teaching kids how it used to be done.
They become real estate agents.
They quit after being exposed to radiation, which gives them superpowers.
They follow their bliss.
End note
Is Spokane a friendly place? I would say yes, it is.
Here’s my evidence.
A former colleague of mine once got invited to a Spokane Super Bowl party but wound up going to the wrong house. He just followed some others heading in with various snacks and beverages.
He eventually figured out his mistake. But everybody at this other party thought it was fine if he stayed.
Columnist Paul Turner can be reached by email at srpaulturner@gmail.com.