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For the rest of the day, it will be all stretched out of shape.
How many men around here occasionally wear a shirt like this?
Maybe I'm wrong. That's happened.
But years of hearing people on both sides of the state line use the expression has left me with the opinion that Spokane residents have a different definition of "mom jeans" than people in North Idaho.
I'll be happy to pinpoint the difference. But first I want to see if anyone else has noticed this.
When I go back to riding my bike to work, I will resume my habit of being the first person in the newsroom each weekday morning. That is the proper order of things in my confused little universe.
For now, though, a woman who has a combo city desk/website job beats me in by about half an hour.
We always exchange greetings when I arrive. But this morning, when I emerged from the stairwell and began lumbering toward my desk, I saw her from a distance. She was in a chair and facing away from me. And it appeared that she was wearing nothing.
That's unusual, I thought. Did I miss another memo? Has Casual Friday been replaced with Nude Wednesday?
But then, when I got closer, I saw that the becoming top she had on was approximately the same color as her skin.
Ever lose an article of clothing that you just can't forget?
In the summer of 1988, I left a jacket in a little restaurant in Choteau, Mont. Though I called the place and everything, I never got it back.
I really liked that jacket. I had not had it long. But I remember wearing it made me feel more confident and capable than I really am. I enjoyed that.
I think of it whenever I see one vaguely like it. Or when I hear Choteau mentioned, as I did last night when watching a few minutes of "Jurassic Park."
I used to hope that whoever walked off with it went on to live a life cursed with puny dreams, thwarted ambitions and insane women.
Let's say you have a relative who is an exceptionally skilled gift giver.
And let's say she gets you a shirt that, though unlike anything else you have, you really like. You wear it to work and actually get compliments.
Word gets back to your relative about what a hit the shirt is. So she gets you two more of the exact same style.
The color schemes are all different. But the look of the shirts is identical.
So here's the problem. You want to put all three in heavy wear-to-work rotation. But you are concerned that certain inattentive co-workers will think you are wearing the same shirt over and over.
We've all heard some of the smart remarks offered up about those who wear the same clothes repeatedly (and presumably without benefit of washing). And no one wants those sorts of things said about him or her.
So basically it comes down to two choices.
1) Wear the shirts as often as you like, uninformed public opinion be damned.
2) Space out wearing any of the three shirts.
A case could be made for either option. But with No. 2, the garments will probably last longer.