Latest from The Spokesman-Review
Good morning, Netizens…
After some considerable research and introspection of the case of the Citizenry of Spokane versus City Hall, and upon hearing of the woman in Arlington, Washington who stole $73,575.18 from the church where she was the administrative assistant, (http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20090319/NEWS01/703199921/0/FRONTPAGE) and blamed it on Satan, I believe we have found the culprit behind the gaffes at City Hall.
My God, there has to be something hard at work that makes our lives in the Incredible City unbearable.
Suddenly an entirely new world of possibilities that none of us thought about emerges. You forget to plug the parking meter and that lascivious little cart comes sneaking around the corner with a demon fire in the ticket box while you’re standing there empty-handed. Uf da! Blame it on Satan for stealing your change. If that doesn’t wash, try blaming the children or grandchildren. Sometimes it does appear our offspring are in collusion with the Devil, but then they change back into angels. Go figure.
The disingenuous Major Crimes Detail of the Spokane Police Department, (http://www.spokanepolice.org/investigations/majorcrimes/default.aspx) ostensibly the voice of the victims according to their website, have disproven their lack of worth at investigating the Otto Zehm murder or the assault on Shonto Pete. Satan is your essential multi-tasker and hard at work on victim’s cases everywhere. There is no other explanation.
Of course, now we know who made the tape disappear from 911, don’t we? Nobody else could crack the mythological SPD security and make that tape of Shonto Pete telling a supervisor of 911 that he stole Olsen’s truck disappear into thin air. The electronic hands of the Devil are hard at work. Perfectly logical.
Closer to home, Avista, formerly known as the benevolent Washington Water Power, jacks its rates, paying its nefarious upper-echelon staff incredible salaries while most of us suffer beneath its narcissistic lead foot. You never know where the evil hand of Satan may crop up, do you?
The ideal solution to all this mischief and evil afoot everywhere in our fair city is to join the battle for goodness and mercy, and drive the evil forces from our midst. But then we wouldn’t have anyone left to blame for our misfortunes, now would we?