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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883


Pam Anderson & PETA kill whale-penis interior, crazy press release ensues


Russian custom car shop Prombron has decided not to include whale-penis leather interior on their upcoming $1.5 million SUV. PETA wouldn’t have it and Pam Anderson complained with a personal email. More notably, Prombron composed a mind-blowing press release on the matter entitled:

(Entire Document Below)

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. The SUV in question is called the Dartz Prombron Moncaco Red Diamond Edition. Set for a 2010 release, Jalopnik reports it’s intended to be “The world's most expensive ultra-luxury SUV.” (1)

Options are to include:

-Ruby Red matte paint
-Gold-plated bulletproof windows
-22" Kremlin Red Star bulletproof wheels
-Tungsten exhaust
-Tungsten and white gold gauges with diamonds and rubies
-White gold diamond and ruby encrusted badges - grill, side and dashboard
-Special edition Vertu mobile phone with "alert" button
-Additional outside kevlar coating
-Rogue Acoustic Audio System
-Three bottles of the world’s finest vodka

Whale-penis leather interior was originally on the list as well before Pam Anderson and company sounded the alarm. Dartz folded under the pressure and now plans to infuse the interior with “advanced nanotechnologies”. They also composed the craziest press release most of us will ever read, particularly in the third paragraph. Enjoy:


One month ago DARTZ presented uberluxury armored car with whale penis interior - PROMBRON’ (ex.RussoBaltique), lot of people name this car as DARTZ.KOMBAT. As the world’s resonance was very huge and DARTZ got lot of angry e-mails from Greenpeace, WWF and also Pamela Anderson, DARTZ make strong decision to stop their plans regarding such interior.

“We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want - to make just luxury car. Real luxury car which will be world number one car. Our brand was started at 1869 when in Riga was opened Coach Factory or Russo Baltiysky Vagonnij Zavod - PBVZ, and first products was luxury train coaches. At 1907 was made a decision to open Car Department, and at 1909 first car left factory - the name of this car was RussoBalt. This was luxury and sport cars. At 1911 specially for Monaco Rally car got french style name - RussoBaltique. At 1912 factory made world first 4 x 4 wheel drive car, and at 1914 - armored car. All we want to unite luxury and armoring traditions of RussoBalt factory in one car, which brand celebrated 100 years now. At 1922 RussoBalt was renamed to PROMBRON’ (ex.RussoBalt).

We just looking for most expensive products for this car - and that’s why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all. We will focus on world most advanced nanotechnologies to achieve interior highest quality using artificial materials which also was never used for cars. We want to tell our hello to all whales: “Our Sea Brothers! We all know that earth are stand on three whales - we will keep You live! We don’t Earth fall down to Ocean!”

Also we make a decision to pay more attention to glass and on our new car model we will use glass which will be made by special technology - from artificial grown chrystals, which will be gold sputerred to cut IR and UV rays, which make driving inconvinient when sun shine. _Best regards,
Leonard F. Yankelovich




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