Day 3 Paul: Curb Your Schmolsonian
Good news: I’m still in. Bad news: So is Schmolson. He’s like Nicolas Cage at his Cagiest though. Slumming. The Jar-Jar Binks of the group. Everything about him is shameless. Look up “shameless” in the dictionary. Schmolson embodies every one of its synonyms: brazen, indecent, bold, unabashed, unashamed, hardened, unprincipled, and corrupt.
Breakfast: Petit Chat Oatmeal with Spokane Family Farms Milk and apple cider from Kootenai Valley Juice.
Lunch: Grilled Small Planet tofu wrap. At my desk. On my computer. My brain hurts. But then I thought of an old Mitch Hedberg joke: That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me.
Dinner: A succulent steak from Rocky Ridge. Olsen Potatoes. I kiped a product from Geneva’s post and added Quillisascut cheese (located eighty miles north in Rice) for the lettuce and tomato I purchased at the Main Market to create a Big Salad. Like 2001 monolith size. You gotta eat this thing. Actually, part of the fun is to see what is on everybody else’s plate.
Following dinner, a quick trip to visit friends at Auntie’s and Soulful Soups. What did I have at the latter establishment you may ask? A glass of Whitestone Pieces Of Red. A clean bill, so says the excellent Spokavore directory. (Grapes are grown along the shores of Lake Roosevelt and there’s a tasting room in the city at 111 S. Cedar St.) Staying local. Staying true.
Not-so-secret plan today: Go to the Community Building Farmer’s Market which is open every Thursday from 11:00am-5:00pm in the lobby at 35 W. Main. My friend Brian said he would hook me up with some Vinegar Flats goods. I can’t wait.
In bizarre international news, a celebrity chef named Beppe Bigazzi explains his recipe for cats on Italian television. The interviewer freaks out. Beppe loses his own show. Money quote: “But now we’ll get letters from nature lovers.” A very Schmolsonian thing to say.
