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Huckleberries Online

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Christmas Traditions We Could do Without

Last minute gifts don't have to be expensive. This 1950s Santa cut-out, when framed and presented on Christmas morning, was a personal and lasting reminder of childhood memories. (Cheryl-Anne Millsap / Down to Earth NW)
Last minute gifts don't have to be expensive. This 1950s Santa cut-out, when framed and presented on Christmas morning, was a personal and lasting reminder of childhood memories. (Cheryl-Anne Millsap / Down to Earth NW)

Does anyone really enjoy Secret Santa? Is mistletoe just an excuse to grope the unsuspecting?

Here's some Christmas traditions some could do without:

Secret Santa: Here's the way Secret Santa should work: everyone in the office brings a $20, puts it in a hat, the hat gets shuffled up, and everyone takes out a $20. And then you say "Hey, $20! I can really use that! Thanks, Secret Santa!" and you go back to online shopping at your desk.

Leaving Anything Other than Cookies for Santa: Okay, you can get away with a carrot for the reindeer, but beyond that? Things are out of hand. The elves want midget porn, Ms. Claus wants some Midol, Frosty the Snowman's looking for something from one of the local dispensaries to fill that corncob pipe. Everyone's got their hands out nowadays.

More here.

(Though I totally disagree with the one about no stockings for your pets. Like Santa would forget Milo!)

Huckleberries Online

D.F. Oliveria started Huckleberries Online on Feb. 16, 2004. Oliveria's Sunday print Huckleberries is a past winner of the national Herb Caen Memorial Column contest.