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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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The Slice

This date in Slice history (2001)

The problem with New Year's resolutions is that they call for change.

And change can be hard.

So today, The Slice suggests resolutions that are a bit more realistic. Unlike the usual "quit smoking" or "lose weight" vows, these demand flexible behavior reforms most of us could live with.

Feel free to pick and choose.

Starting Jan. 1, no more than 12 hours of channel surfing per day.

No more swearing, unless you're really mad.

Do your part to conserve energy, except when that conflicts with convenience or lifestyle choices.

Talk a lot about becoming a social-service volunteer.

Support local family-operated businesses if the big-box stores or home shopping networks don't have what you want at a better price.

Broaden your arts appreciation horizons by opening yourself up to new forms of music, film, and literature, unless they're weird.

Enhance your understanding of what it means to be a spiritual person (just so long as this does not challenge any of your existing attitudes or beliefs).

Instead of sitting home and complaining that there's nothing to do around here, do your grousing in restaurants and art galleries.

Resolve to discuss doing something about your eating habits.

Read more books, unless there's something good on.

Assert your desire to liven up your family's culinary experience by buying edgy food magazines.

Save money, unless a computer upgrade has your name on it.

Either do a better job of flossing or come up with better excuses to tell your dental hygienist.

Vow to at least occasionally utter the words "I don't know," unless asked a question.

No longer say snide things about co-workers behind their backs (unless they really deserve it).

Come to grips with the inherent problems in refusing to date anyone who is not a Victoria's Secret model, but do not lower your expectations.

Consider not blaming every social ill on teachers, lawyers and the media, unless that would force you to know what you're talking about.

Demand that your alma mater discontinue the practice of recruiting athletes who clearly have no interest in academics. And stipulate that you will withold your annual contribution if the football team doesn't win more games next year.

Do a better job of listening, except when what you're hearing is the same old blah blah blah.

Look people in the eye, if you feel like it.

Be more positive at work, at least until you have to go to a meeting.   

The Slice

The online home for Paul Turner's musings and interactions with disciples of The Slice.