Arrow-right Camera

The Spokesman-Review Newspaper The Spokesman-Review

Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
Clear Night 33° Clear

The Slice

What would Bobby Orr do?

There are lots of different ways one can go through life.

But what if, when faced with a tough decision or predicament of some kind, you ask yourself, what would one of hockey's all-time greats do in similar circumstances?

Yes, indeed. What would Bobby Orr do?

Perhaps you'll find your answer in one of these choices. Or perhaps not.

A) When an opponent has a breakaway, you shift into a high-speed gear no one else has and track him down from behind before he can get off a shot.

B) Find the open man on the power-play.

C) In your first game against Toronto after being knocked out by the infamous Pat Quinn hit, find the big Leafs defenseman during one of your first shifts and, with all of New England rising to its feet to support you, in living rooms from Bar Harbor to Manchester, drop your gloves and hammer Quinn senseless with a series of jackhammer rights.

D) Apologize.

E) Don't go to the bus station on a date.

F) Manage to shove an opposing forward out from in front of your goal without screening your goalie.

G) Change the oil regularly.

H) Ask Don Cherry about his season in Spokane.

I) Swoop behind your own net, picking up the puck along the way and switch on the afterburners as you pass your blue line and head up ice.

J) Demand that reporters covering the Boston Bruins keep quiet about your visits to children in hospitals.

K) Don't trust the wrong people with your money.

L) Don't declare that you are a good listener and then never stop talking.

M) Don't drink and drive.

N) Make passes that are so unexpected that sometimes the recipient is among the most surprised.

O) Remember when the little boy asks Shane if he can shoot, and Shane says "A little"? Be like that.

P) Kill off penalties by holding onto the puck for virtually the whole two minutes all by yourself.

Q) Avoid false modesty.

R) Don't try to solve other people's problems when what they seek is just someone who will listen.

S) When down on the ice and sliding out of control, somehow manage to sling the puck to a teammate steaming toward the goal.

T) Stand up for your teammates, the way they always do for you.

U) Challenge others with the quiet excellence of your example.

V) Tell amusing stories in which you are the butt of the joke.

W) Fake the defender into the seats and then sail around him.

X) Never forget those who were loyal to you when you were down.

Y) Pick up the tab without being showy about it.

Z) Crack yourself up with "That's what she said" humor that's so infectious others cannot help but start laughing with you.

The Slice

The online home for Paul Turner's musings and interactions with disciples of The Slice.