Fat-Free Dogs Just Don’t Cut The Mustard
Hot dogs are the blank canvas of the food world, fat-filled but relatively tasteless tubes awaiting the addition of mustard, relish, ketchup and any other condiments one’s artistic imagination conjures up.
So does it make much difference if you slip in some healthier, fat-free franks when your family isn’t looking?
Not really, if you don’t mind paying the extra price (about twice the cost of the full-fat variety). And as long as no one has to eat them unadorned.
We fed members of The Spokesman-Review’s reader food panel pieces of fat-free dogs both in buns, with mustard and ketchup, and plain (prompting a John Bobbitt joke or two).
The reception was decidedly lukewarm. By default, Butterball’s turkey franks won out over the spicier and smokier, but still unsatisfying, turkey and pork offering from Ball Park.
Oscar Mayer’s turkey and beef entry was a complete strikeout, said by some veteran panelists to be even more abysmal than the tofu dogs forced on them by our former food editor.
Not content to leave ill enough alone, we then treated the panel to pork and beans - another food lacking more than a little in the personality department.
Coming on the heels of the hot dogs, it sorely tested their literary abilities. “How many words can you use for bland and flavorless?” asked panel member Mike Lax.
The Town House store brand was the worst of the lot, which may have had something to do with the fact that it was lowest in fat, a substance that panelists were craving desperately at that point.
While Van Camp’s had its admirers, Campbell’s came out on top, thanks to its superior texture, not to mention what Jan Robison called “that orange Campbell color.” (Added Susi Faville: “One more step and it would be soup.”)
Owning up to its shortcomings, Campbell’s suggests “personalizing” the product by adding the likes of ketchup, mustard, brown sugar and barbecue sauce.
Less logically, the label also advises: “For a meatless main dish, combine with or serve over rice.”
Pork: the other white vegetable.
Butterball Fat Free Franks (Turkey)
Price: $2.39 for a 16-ounce package.
Nutrition: 45 calories (no fat); 480 milligrams sodium in 1 frank.
Taste:***
Value:***
Comments: “Has a different color and texture - tastes a little like a Vienna sausage.” - Jan Robison.
“The color of this hot dog is so unappealing, I had to force myself to taste it. Mushy, wet texture. Ick.” - Stacy Casto.
“Typical poultry taste and appearance. Double up the condiments!” - Jim McGinty.
Ball Park Fat Free Classic Franks (Pork and Turkey)
Price: $2.99 for a 14-ounce package.
Nutrition: 40 calories (no fat); 560 milligrams sodium in 1 frank.
Taste:**
Value:**
Comments: “Not very pretty to look at. Spices in this take away from the hot dog taste.” - Jarretta Manning.
“Visually gross! Smoky flavor? Pale-faces!” - Mary Lou Crouter.
“A little spice but mostly bland and mushy. Smoky aftertaste lingers. Not bad considering it’s fat-free.” - Susi Faville.
Oscar Mayer Free Hot Dogs (Beef and Turkey)
Price: $1.99 for a 14-ounce package.
Nutrition: 40 calories (no fat); 460 milligrams sodium in 1 frank.
Taste:*
Value:**
Comments: “Flavorless. Bland. Pathetic.” - Mike Lax.
“Tastes like a big bite of air.” - Paul Norris.
“Greenish tint; save your money, eat the packaging.” - Jim McGinty.
Campbell’s Pork & Beans
Price: 57 cents for a 16-ounce can.
Nutrition: 130 calories (14 percent fat calories); 420 milligrams sodium in 1/2 cup.
Taste:***
Value:***
Comments: “Very mushy and flavorless. Don’t have much to say for themselves.” - Susi Faville.
“Better taste, but nothing exciting.” - Mary Lou Crouter.
“Good flavor, firm bean, but still needs to be ‘jazzed up.”’ - Jim Eggers.
Van Camp’s Pork and Beans
Price: 99 cents for a 31-ounce can.
Nutrition: 110 calories (12 percent fat calories); 470 milligrams sodium in cup.
Taste:***
Value:***
Comments: “Good taste, I’d take it on a picnic. Sweet, but not too much, and can even taste a little pork.” - Paul Norris.
“Soft texture with a pleasant, sweet tomato taste.” - Mike Lax.
“Bland, but a thicker texture, good for a toothless person.” - Jan Robison.
Town House Pork & Beans
Price: 44 cents for a 16-ounce can.
Nutrition: 110 calories (8 percent fat calories); 350 milligrams sodium in cup.
Taste:*
Value:**
Comments: “Needs to be doctored up. Very bland and tasteless, tastes like cardboard.” - Jarretta Manning.
“Small beans, look almost bleached.” - Jim Eggers.
“Not a hint of pork flavor, in fact, not a hint of flavor at all.” - Stacy Casto.
, DataTimes MEMO: Products sampled by The Spokesman-Review’s reader food panel are bought at a retail store and prepared in a test kitchen according to package directions. Panelists are not aware of a product’s brand name or price until after they have tasted it. Products are rated for taste and for value, based on quality compared to price.