Oakley’s Best Lines Not In Box Score

The New York Knicks’ Charles Oakley is not one to mince words. On the Knicks’ new road uniforms: “They’re ugly and you can say Oak said that. … Besides, they’re too tight. They’re cut for white college kids. Maybe they could wear them at Harvard or Cornell or something.”

On comparing the Knicks’ uniforms to the new Houston uniforms: “I wouldn’t mind looking ugly if I had two championship rings. We’re looking ugly and we ain’t got no rings.”

On Charlotte trading Alonzo Mourning: “You’re gonna have a kitchen with no stove. How you going to cook?”

Oakley’s lip also has run him afoul of Rod Thorn, the league vice president in charge of fines. That came about after Oakley almost took a swing at Clyde Drexler after the Houston guard teased him for having his shirttail out.

“Don’t put no guy on me 6-4 who can’t check me,” Oakley said. “Put a guy on me my size, and there won’t be none of this static. I wanted to swing, swear to God. If somebody does something wrong to me, I’m going to swing at him. I don’t care how much it costs. I’m set for life.”

Said Thorn: “You better not do (something) after you’ve said that. He’d be in major trouble.”

Counselor Collins

The problem for Doug Collins in shaping the Pistons in his own image is NBA players are not like Doug Collins. For one, they have more talent. For another, they don’t play as hard. Or seem to care as much. Like Pistons guard Allan Houston, who might not even crack a smile if he made a game-winning shot and whom Collins is trying to understand.

Houston was averaging 11.2 points and 23.7 minutes before a 45-minute meeting with Collins Nov. 24. In the five games since, Houston averaged 24.2 points in 38 minutes.

“The thing I have to focus on is that I’m not going to change Allan’s personality,” said Collins. “I can’t worry about how laid back he is. That’s hard for me, because it’s about 180 degrees from me. But that’s my problem.”

Said Houston: “If I have a limited emotional response to something, if I don’t jump up and down after a big play, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a passion for the game. I think he was looking at certain things the wrong way.”

The fourth J

Seems Jim Jackson and Jamal Mashburn are mad at each other in Dallas, prompting coach Dick Motta to say that now it’s not just the three “J’s” of Jim, Jamal and Jason (Kidd), but jealousy.

Said Motta: “There are a couple of people who got mad at each other, and they’re polarizing our team. They won’t pass to each other, won’t speak to each other. They can get in the fetal position and go back to Mama, or they can come back and be pros.”

Acknowledged Mashburn, who insists it’s all settled: “Me and Jim both have the same type of attitude, both have similar personalities. We both want to win. I think everybody’s a little frustrated now.”

Maybe bringing Roy Tarpley back in a few weeks could settle things down.

ILLUSTRATION: Photo