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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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The Way We Listen Can Speak Volumes

Following is a familiar scenario from your typical relationship. It’s taken from “Men & Women: Enjoying the Difference” by psychologist Larry Crabb.

“A good friend recently told me about the time he and his wife were taking a walk in the woods,” Crabb writes. “He was carrying their infant daughter in a backpack. As he approached a steep hill, his wife, walking a few feet behind, called out, `Be careful!’ “He felt instantly irritated.”

Why irritation? Any man could tell you in an instant.

Crabb explains it this way: “It became clear that he interpreted her warning to mean something like this: `I’m not sure I can trust you to take care of our daughter. You tend to be so irresponsible at times. If I didn’t remind you to be careful, the way a mother would caution a reckless boy, you might do something really stupid.”’ The question: Is that truly what she meant? The suggestion: Only when we begin to think about how we listen to, as well as address, each other will we be able to move beyond blame and discover true communication.

Upcoming events Spokane therapist Richard V. Dalke is forming a support group for men and women. Meetings are planned for Monday afternoons between 12:15 and 2. Not intended as therapy, the group nevertheless will, Dalke says, help “men and women interested in feeling supported by and supportive of others who are actively working through their issues,” which may include relationships, career, family of origin, etc. Cost is $50 a month. For further information, call 624-1436.

“Inner King,” a men’s weekend facilitated by Dr. Charles R. (Chuck) Davis, will be held March 31-April 3 at Holden Village on the north shore of Lake Chelan. In the rustic setting of an old miner’s camp, some 40 men will gather to “access masculine spirituality, integrity and the generativity of the King Archetype.” The cost is $126 (pre-registration is necessary). For further information, call (206) 778-8622.

The second Northwest Summer Retreat for Men is planned for Aug. 5-7. Sponsored by the Vashon Islandbased groups Limbus and Mosaic, the retreat will feature workshops led by authors Michael Meade and Malidoma Some. For information on the summer retreat and other Limbus events, call (206) 463-9387.

MEMO: Common Ground is written on alternating weeks by Dan Webster and Rebecca Nappi. Write to them in care of The Spokesman-Review, Features Department, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615. Or fax, 459-5098.

Common Ground is written on alternating weeks by Dan Webster and Rebecca Nappi. Write to them in care of The Spokesman-Review, Features Department, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210-1615. Or fax, 459-5098.

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