Final Toast The Time May Be Short, But Life’s Joys Aren’t

While I was at a doctor’s appointment in September, a large aneurysm was discovered on my aorta. Tests were done and then the news came: inoperable. The doctor said: “I don’t expect you to last six months.”

I am 74 years old. The news didn’t frighten me. It gave me time and the impetus to do so many things that I just hadn’t gotten around to. The difficult thing, at first, was telling a few people other than my family.

It was a ticklish thing to do, because I didn’t want nor did I need sympathy. Most of those I told reacted with denial. They said: “The doctors don’t always know that much. They could be mistaken.”

I said to them: “I’m not a library book. I don’t have a due date. I could go longer or go earlier.”

I had my first heart attack on Jan. 4, 1967. Since then, I’ve had five or six more. I had one bypass surgery and a pacemaker put in. Nine years ago, my doctor told me he didn’t expect me to last five years more. I did. I’m still setting goals beyond my six-month term.

But my own news made me think of the assisted suicide law that recently passed in Oregon and is now being challenged in the courts. The terminally ill would have the right to end their lives. My religious beliefs say that suicide is wrong, but I am not suffering day and night.

I spent nearly five years as a volunteer visitor at the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Spokane. I learned vicariously some of the suffering these people were experiencing. It came to the point that I could not handle seeing good men suffer and then die. I was never there when they did, but I had become friends with some of them and it hurt. I left because I was getting somewhat burned out.

I could make a good argument that the right to commit suicide is justified, and that assistance is also justified. Each person has a right to make most decisions about his health, why not about his own death? I understand how things that seem so simple can become so complex.

I do not know the answers. I do know that suicide is not on my agenda.

So how am I spending my final months alive? I’m eating more bacon and sausage, because I love it. I have a couple of drinks every day. I still go to the YMCA three mornings a week for exercise class. I’m writing letters to each of my children and to my close friends, telling them my news and how much I appreciate them.

I am also counting my blessings. I was lucky to have loving and caring parents. I believe it was from them that I learned a standard of conduct for living. I learned honesty, punctuality and integrity. They also told me: “Be kind.”

I’m grateful for that because from those standards, I found the woman that I love. Barbara is so good and loving. I am fortunate to have had her for my wife these 50 years.

We have been blessed with eight great children. I am so proud of each and every one of them. It was wonderful to see them grow up with their individual personalities, principles, loyalty and integrity. All of them are caring and loving people.

I have very few regrets. I wish I had been more tolerant with my kids. I wish I had spent less time at my job and more time watching my children at sports and genuinely enjoying their growing-up years.

After I retired, we traveled a lot and I don’t regret that at all. We traveled to Australia and New Zealand, and Europe and we took five cruises. We’ve been to Hawaii four or five times and Mexico, too. The travel made me appreciate home and gave us a lot of happy memories.

About marriage, this I learned. You can be very different from each other - in age, religion or race - and it will work out as long as you have common interests, goals and a sincere love.

All in all looking back, I realize that it’s much more comfortable to be caring and loving than angry and mean. I can truly say that even those who have treated me badly, I wouldn’t harm.

I learned the importance of attempting to forgive others. I wasn’t always successful, but I realize I don’t have time for grudges. There’s too much loving left to do.

Here is some advice from Richard Hopp for people who have discovered they have little time left to live.

Prepare an itemized list of people to call, such as family members, insurance people. Notify Social Security and pension plan officials. List the contact people, plus addresses, phone numbers and policy numbers.

Put in writing what you would like in the way of a service. What songs, scripture readings, pall bearers. Who will do the service? If you have not paid for your funeral, do it now so you can be confident that the funeral won’t cost your family a fortune.

You might like to write some thank you letters to those who mean a lot to you and let them know how much you care for them. A letter to each of your children would be something they will cherish.

Go over, in detail, your finances with your spouse and family. Discuss where the investments are, and determine who to talk to about making changes.

Be sure you leave a few notes hidden around the house so that your spouse and children can find them later. Let them know how much you think of them, that is if you do think a lot of them. Be sincere not phony.

If you don’t have a will, get one!

Write a history of your life. It doesn’t have to be long or fancy. Just express some of what made you tick all these years. I recently finished writing my history; it’s 46,000 words. Thank goodness I learned how to use a computer!

I found going through this process that I remembered so many important things that made me the person I am. It was a wonderful and worthwhile experience.

MEMO: Richard B. Hopp has lived in Spokane since 1949. He’s a retired insurance adjustor.