Winter Fest’s Wild Drivers On Road Again
A funny thing happened to me Wednesday morning en route to Spokane. As I approached Factory Outlets at Post Falls, I saw a red GMC Jimmy on the shoulder of I-90’s westbound lane. Good thing I did, too. The car veered across two lanes of traffic in front of me and, using the median path reserved for emergency vehicles, completed the most illegal U-turn I’ve ever seen. Ere the GMC drove out of sight, I noticed a sign on the front door that explained all: “Sandpoint Winter Carnival.” Yep. I survived a close encounter with another Sandpoint Chamber Driver From Hell.
Chamber drivers II: Craig Harris, sales manager of Sandpoint’s Alpine Motors, exploded last week when I wrote that another SCDFH was driving a Chevy Blazer rather than its twin, the Jimmy. His GMC dealership lends promotional cars to chamber members. Craig fired off a letter to me containing these Top Five insults: 5. “You have maintained the poor quality in factual reporting that most newspaper writers adhere to!!” 4. “The vehicles are not Chevys; they are GMCs (you most likely don’t know the difference).” 3. “If by this time next year you have that rather large foot pulled out of your mouth, we could get you to come up to Sandpoint and conduct a driving school.” 2. (“I’m sure you have the time since all you do is sit around and write garbage.”) And (drum roll, please) 1. “I can only imagine what D.F. stands for!!”
Oopsy: There was a bonafide mistake in last week’s “Huckleberries.” I printed some crapola fed me by a usually reliable source. There was no confrontation between a U.S. Fish & Wildlife official and a miner over a locked gate at the Yellow Jacket Mine in central Idaho. In fact, there is no gate. … Separated At Birth: North Idaho College flack Steve Schenk and O.J. Simpson prosecutor William Hodgman? … Apparently, the national 800-number directory lists the S-R’s number for the CdA resort. We average a call daily seeking hotel info. And, when someone rings our wrong number (heh-heh-heh) … we give them the right one. I’m sure Brand X would do likewise.
Liberals not welcome: Don Griesel of the Tenth Amendment Coalition, which wants Benewah County to require guns in every home, has this message on his answering machine: “We are unable to come to the phone right now. We are probably listening to Limbaugh, Reagan or Liddy. So if you’re not a gay or liberal creep, leave a message or start your fax at the beep.” … Here’s something you don’t hear every day on a police scanner: “Who lost their jail keys near the old jail?”
Huckleberries: And here’s something you don’t see every day. During a break Tuesday in a juvenile misdemeanor case at the Bonner County Courthouse, the defendant spotted a prosecution witness in the hallway. And kicked him in the groin. The bailiff immediately hauled the budding Beavis off to jail on an assault charge. Next case. … You’re getting a little long in tooth when you blow out your birthday candles - and the smoke alarm goes off. Cliff Stowell of St. Maries did just that Jan. 17. Happy 86th, Cliff. … GOP state Reps. Jeff Alltus of CdA and Dan Mader of Lewiston are renting a Boise home with state Sen. Gordon Crow of CdA. A peek at the few contents inside their refrigerator proves they need their wives: Diet Coke, a single stick of butter, condiments and a half rack of Red Dog Beer. … By the way, the Temporary Bachelors 3 are surviving on the following staples: Alltus, Ramen noodles; Mader, Cocoa Puffs; and Crow, Hoody’s salted, in-the-shell peanuts. (Inquiring minds need to know these things.)
Parting shot: Our Temporary Man In Boise saw this bit of bureaucratic snobbery pinned to a wall at the state Department of Transportation office: “This is not the Library of Congress, Burger King or Federal Express. Therefore, I do not do it your way, know everything, or deliver overnight.” Budget cuts, anyone?
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = D.F. Oliveria The Spokesman-Review