Good Books Are Electrifying (Batteries Not Required)

The way I see it, reading is a lot like walking across hot asphalt as a child without any shoes on: it may not be a particularly delightful experience at first, but once you wise up and use some common sense, the exercise will be far less painful. Maybe even appealing.

Once you face up to the fact that reading is probably far more enjoyable than any other time-consumer, you’ll be delving into a book’s glorious pleasures with a great amount of gusto.

I have composed a list of carefully polished reasons as to why reading is such a benefit for not only adults, but for kids and teens alike.

Of course, I can sympathize with those of you who think reading is an endlessly tedious and demanding pastime. Since I first started writing for Our Generation a year and a half ago, I must admit the 30 or so books I reviewed were not always “The Grapes of Wrath” caliber.

All in all, it has been a very rewarding experience, with more elaborate escapes and trips to awe-inspiring locales than all the James Bond and Indiana Jones spectacles combined (and I didn’t even have to leave the confines of my bedroom).

I certainly cannot promise you that every book you read will be a masterpiece, but I do promise that it will be unique and will not inflict the least bit of bodily harm on you or any companions. Heck, that’s my first reason why reading should be endorsed and enjoyed by all: It is by no means hazardous to your health. Others include:

It does not infringe in any way, shape or form on your health care benefits.

When traveling to exotic ports, air fare, lodging, transportation and food are free of charge.

With most paperbacks costing under five bucks, it makes considerably more economic sense to purchase a John Grisham page turner than to shell out six bucks for such middling entertainment as “Batman Forever,” which bridges us to reason number four:

Although there is a greater chance of the sky falling than a hardback selling in excess of $53 million in its opening weekend, the book will probably be infinitely more entertaining.

Sen. Bob Dole probably will not boycott copies of your book over its seemingly excessive violence while you are reading it (although you never really know).

There’s very little chance that Michael Bolton will formulate your books into lyrics any time soon.

You can be the first one on your block to bad-mouth Steven Spielberg when he turns Michael Crichton’s sequel to “Jurassic Park” into a politically correct, dramatically anemic monster mishmash.

No animals are injured while books are being written.

Alfred Hitchcock will make no cameo appearances.

Sylvester Stallone didn’t date the writer while the book was in progress, so you can take comfort in the fact that no laughably hammy dialogue will mar an invariably accomplished read.

You don’t have to stand in a long, congested line with cackling kids, frustrated moms and a guy in front of you loudly explaining the whole plot to his bemused sweetheart.

You won’t be ordered by some brusque theater employee to keep your feet off of the chair in front of you.

You won’t be tested over it in the near future (although I make no promises).

And finally, no assembly or batteries are required to delve into a book, though I am sure Dreamworks SKG has something cooking that could change all of the above.