Wish Grads Luck, Because They’ll Need Lots Of It
Editor’s note: Know someone giving a graduation speech? Clip this article out and give it to them. Just a little friendly advice.
Yet another school year has passed, and, alas, once again, not a single high school has asked me to deliver a commencement address.
That’s OK, though no one asked me to sit in a luxury suite at a Suns game, fly in the space shuttle or star in a movie, either. Some things you just have to learn to live without.
However, good sport that I always try to be, I am willing to give those who are delivering graduation speeches a little advice. Feel free to pay as much attention to this as you would any other advice I might give. Or, you can actually listen, too.
First off, remember your audience. Not the kids. Aside from feeling uncomfortable wearing gowns and trying to keep those ridiculous mortarboards on their heads, they’re far too cranked up about the idea of finally getting out of high school to remember what you say.
For instance, I don’t remember much of anything the speaker at my high-school graduation said. Mostly I remember a big party after the ceremony in which … well, come to think of it, I don’t remember much about that, either. Although somewhere there exist some pictures. Hmm. I guess this rules out a run for public office.
You’re not really talking to the parents here, either. Sure, the audience will be full of them (and brothers and sisters and grandparents and cousins), but it’s hard to pay attention to a speech when you’re fighting tooth and nail for the best camera angle… . DOWN IN FRONT!
That leaves teachers and principals. In the end, that’s whom you’re talking to, whom you’re justifying yourself to. It’s good to know that some things never change.
As for the content of your talk, please, don’t try to be hip. That’s because - no offense - I know I don’t know you or anything, but … you aren’t. Oh, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just impossible to keep up. And there is little worse than a middle-age person standing in front of a group of 18-year-olds, trying to make pathetic references to some long-lost artifact of pop culture.
Speaker: “And then, when the first strains of Chicago’s “Color My World” wafted through the speakers, I knew the direction my life would take. Until “The Hustle” came along and changed everything.”
Murmur among graduates: “Hey, is this guy Wayne Newton?”
Please. Nostalgia for the ‘70s runs only so deep.
Something else to avoid: The phrase “the real world.” As in, “Sure, you’ve had it easy for the last 18 years, living with your family and snoozing your way through class. Well, now you’re going to have to make it in ‘the real world’,” blah, blah, blah, “in my day,” etc. etc., “walked through snowstorms in bare feet,” la-di-da.
For one thing, it’s overdone. Everyone’s heard that phrase so much it doesn’t mean anything anymore. For another, what teenagers face today is a little more real than any world I grew up in, thanks.
Finally, it’s the name of a hit MTV series. Mention “the real world” and most of the kids’ minds will wander as they wonder what Puck is up to these days.
What you really want is at least to try to get the attention of the graduates. You want to broach some subject that will make them prick up their ears and listen to what you’ve got to say. And there is one sure-fire subject that will grab the ear of the jocks, the burnouts and the nerds, no matter how badly they want to run off the stage and get on with the rest of their lives:
Starting salaries.
Seriously, I say keep things short, make your point and be sure to wish everyone luck. Because, as soon as your talk is over, they’re going to need it.
xxxx Graduation ceremonies coming up Thousands of area high school seniors are set to graduate in the coming weeks. In fact, Gonzaga Prep, West Valley and East Valley seniors are already loose on the world. Here’s a list of upcoming ceremonies of some of the larger schools. They’re at the Spokane Opera House, if not otherwise noted. Today - Lake City, 7 p.m. at the high school; Mead High School, 8 p.m. Thursday - Coeur d’Alene, 7 p.m. at the high school. Friday - Lewis and Clark, 5 p.m.; Shadle, 8 p.m. Saturday - Rogers, 10 a.m.; North Central, 1 p.m.; Ferris High School, 4 p.m. Sunday - University 1 p.m.; Central Valley, 5 p.m.