April’s Tax Stress Invades Relationships
Name an illness that strikes this time of year.
Asian flu?
Hay fever?
Spring fever?
How about Chronic Tax Anxiety Syndrome?
Olivia Mellan is out to cure that last one. The Washington, D.C., psychotherapist specializes in treating couples and individuals for ailments caused by money - overspending, hoarding, bickering and sniping.
In addition to sex woes, money is the root of most divorces. Tax time intensifies money problems, Mellan says, and probably doesn’t enhance a couple’s sex life, either.
That leads to CTAS. Symptoms? Excessive worry, sleeplessness, marital squabbling. Taxpayers worry they won’t have enough money to pay Uncle Sam, that they’ll be audited, that they’ll file the wrong forms.
“We have fears of that big bad authority figure in the sky” - the Internal Revenue Service, Mellan says. “Most people we know get dysfunctional around tax time.”
The specific troubles a citizen suffers depend on his or her money personality, which Mellan identifies in her book, “Money Harmony: Resolving Money Conflicts in Your Life and Relationships.”
In couples, opposites usually attract, she says. For instance, a hoarder - someone reluctant to spend - is paired with someone who burns checkbooks like incense on the altar of consumerism.
In some ways, these people balance and save each other from bankruptcy or a hopelessly Spartan lifestyle. They also suffer from conflict, worsened at tax time.
To get the job done, they must learn to work together.
Individuals aren’t immune to CTAS. They, too, fear the IRS. Few people enjoy doing their taxes. It’s a chore on a par with cleaning every toilet in an NFL football stadium.
Treatment of this dread disease involves letting it run its course as pleasantly as possible. Mellan’s suggestions: Play your favorite music while filling out forms.
Burn scented candles.
Invite friends over for a tax-filing party.
Determine the time of day you work best, morning or evening.
If you’re part of a couple, determine the one most suited to prepare taxes. “Communication is the key,” Mellan says.
Mellan advises clients to examine how they survived other crises in life and apply those principles to tax time.
In therapy, she helps couples work out money conflicts by examining their family history, how they view money and what money myths they believe: that money equals love, for instance. She helps them “unload the bomb.”
Surviving taxes is possible. Although there’s no vaccine for CTAS, it’s rarely fatal and most patients recover shortly after April 15.