Elderly Topic Of Women’s Forum Relatives Share Stories Of Caring For Loved Ones

Doris Ayars wasn’t prepared for the incontinence after her elderly mother moved in with her. Or the abuse. Or her mother’s middle-of-the-night wakefulness.

“Mom hits people, digs her nails in. We don’t know what’s going to happen with her now,” Ayars told listeners at the 13th Annual Women’s Forum on Friday. “We’ll leave it up to the Lord, I guess.”

If Ayars’ situation sounds somewhat familiar, it’s because elder-care problems are becoming a common story, said Debra Gordon, director of North Idaho’s Area Agency on Aging.

National statistics show that the number of older people in the nation is multiplying at a furious rate. The number of people at least 85 years old is 27 times greater now than it was in 1900, Gordon said. By 2030, 20 percent of the population will be at least 65.

Most of those people suffer from health problems or, at the very least, need some help getting through their days. But the social services available to help are limited. So adult children such as Ayars struggle to care for their loved ones on their own.

“It’s been difficult, a real problem,” Ayars said.

Ayars finally took her mother to a group home after her care became too draining. It cost $2,100 a month - more than Ayars could afford or her mother was eligible for in financial aid.

Ayars’ mother, who had lived in Eastern Washington, is in a hospital in Medical Lake now after striking group home employees. While Ayars shuttled her mother to appointments and homes, tended her needs and fought to stay sane, she continued to work fulltime as a secretary in Coeur d’Alene.

Dirk Scott, manager of Pioneer Title Co. in Coeur d’Alene, said employers need to show compassion to employees who are caring for aging parents.

While he helped care for his dying father-in-law, Scott missed an appointment with a valuable client. He said he had to explain to investors, but didn’t suffer at the job.

Nancy Mouche, a Area Agency on Aging representative, said there are dozens of local programs to help with the care of elders.

Volunteers deliver food, drive seniors, clean houses, visit. She advised people who need help to call her nonprofit agency at 1-800-642-9099 or 667-3179.

, DataTimes