Tattle, Blow The Whistle, Squeal

Dear Miss Manners: In my local supermarket, I at times observe shoppers snapping off the bottoms of broccoli, mushrooms or asparagus, presumably to avoid paying for this less desirable part of the vegetable.

I have refrained from commenting, although I am concerned about the dishonesty and uncomfortable being a silent witness. How do I handle this without an angry confrontation or appearing as a self-appointed member of the moral police?

Gentle Reader: You can be a self-appointed informer, instead.

Miss Manners is not sure that this is morally on a higher plane (or lower one, as you say you do not want to tangle with morality), but it is safer. Tell the manager of the store that you love the fresh produce, but are suddenly reluctant to buy any because people are right now picking off the best parts and leaving the rest.

Never mind that you could actually buy the untouched vegetables. The manager will be off like a shot to deal with the offenders.

Dear Miss Manners: Please consider this factor in the Caller ID callbacks situation:

I have dialed a number, realized it was a wrong dialing, and hung up. I have also unknowingly dialed wrong numbers.

I have made a call for information and proceeded, after receiving no answer, to try another source.

I made a call and, when there was no answer, took a nap.

In none of these instances did I want a return call. Please remind people to be extra polite when they make return calls that may be untimely or really not wanted.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners has no trouble at all considering that the ability to dial back from a number that was called - by using Caller ID or dialing a telephone company code - should not be abused. As a matter of fact, its best use is to deal with those who do abuse the telephone by making calls that are unpleasant or worse. It is handy to be able to trace such calls.

Assuming that all aborted calls are such is to turn a nuisance-tracker into a nuisance. This is not an advance in civilization.

Dear Miss Manners: Long ago, I surrendered a son for adoption. He and I were reunited some time ago, and now enjoy an ongoing friendship.

When introduced to a new colleague, someone new to the community, etc., my husband and I are always asked if we have children. My answer is yes, but my husband (not my son’s natural father) usually hesitates. How do you suggest we answer this common question?

Gentle Reader: In as casual a fashion as it was asked. People who inquire about other people’s children are not requesting an explanation of where babies come from, either in general or particular.

Thus your answer is yes, because you do have a child, while your husband may also say yes because he has a stepchild, or say nothing and let you do the talking, or say, “Karen has a grown-up son.”

Dear Miss Manners: We are frequent passengers on cruise ships, where, during dinner, most people take turns purchasing and sharing bottles of wine. On a recent 14-day cruise, one couple did not once offer to buy wine, but did manage to consume significant portions of bottles purchased by others at the table we shared. What would have been the proper manner of handling this?

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners is presuming that you are right at that awkward state, where you find this too galling to ignore and not galling enough to ask to have your dining arrangements changed, if, indeed, that is possible.

All right, then. When it is time to order another bottle, say, “Let me get this - no, wait, it’s not my turn, it’s the Huffinrights. I yield - I don’t want to be hoggish.”

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate