Romance Spelled Out Pole To Pole Roadside Soap Opera, With No Final Episode

It’s a roadside soap opera, and viewers may never know the ending.

Or even the characters.

Drivers heading north on Dishman-Mica Road from 16th to Fourth can see, about every two blocks or so, a series of signs telling the story.

Stenciled black letters painted on large wood-backed white paper read, one word at a time: WILL … YOU … MARRY … ME … MELISSA?

No one in the area seems to know who Melissa is. And no one is fessing up to knowing the would-be groom, either.

“I don’t know who wrote it,” says one driver, Paul Christopher. “But Melissa will know.”

Folks are curious. It’s like watching that Ross-tells-Rachel-he-loves-her episode of “Friends,” only someone pulls the plug on the TV before the big final scene.

Some, like Christopher, are touched. Ask him about it, and he gets sentimental.

“I’m kind of soft-hearted enough to think it’s kind of a romantic thing,” he says. “Rather than, ‘Momma, here comes the kid, let’s get married.”’

Others, like business owner Thomas Connors, wish the signs would go. They’ve already been up about a week.

“Everyone asks, ‘What’s this sign up that says ME?”’ Connors says, looking at the sign posted to a power pole near his TDC Auto Repair shop.

Melissa’s beloved should have come to Connors for advice.

“I can understand one or two days, but he should have had it planned out,” he says. “If it was me, I’d have it planned out so my gal would see it that day. I’d want an answer, and I’d want it now.

“And if she said no, I’d take it down right away.”

By that logic, Melissa must have said yes. But the owner of Poppy’s Tavern, at the end of the sign line, says no way.

“Melissa must have said no. Otherwise, she would have taken them down and kept them,” Donna O’Donnell says.

Will Melissa or her suitor respond when they see their tale in print? Don’t count on it. They’re in trouble with Washington Water Power Co.

The company has stuck a notice on the signs, saying the owner will be billed $25 per day per sign until they are taken down. That’s a grand total of about $875 and counting. Nice wedding gift.

“It’s against Washington state law to put signs on (power) poles,” says Dana Anderson, a WWP spokeswoman. “The danger is to our lineman or to any other utility worker if they have to climb that pole … It’s a safety issue more than anything.”

Anderson admits, though, that the would-be groom will be tough to collect from. “We wouldn’t know who to go to.”

Maybe they should put up a sign.

, DataTimes