Home Of Love

(From For the Record, Tuesday, June 11, 1996:) Jim Plourde was pictured with his family on Monday’s Family page, but he was misidentified in an accompanying caption.

When children in jeopardy are removed from their families and placed in foster care, it’s supposed to be a temporary measure. But it’s not always so temporary. The reality is, children might languish in the foster care system for years.

About 28,000 children pass through Washington state’s foster care system over a year’s time. While some children are returned to their parents, others wait to become “legally free” for adoption - when parental rights have been terminated.

About 300 children in Washington state are now waiting for permanent placement.

Many are special-needs children and are developmentally or physically disabled, members of sibling or minority groups, or older children.

Most adoptive parents prefer to adopt babies, not older children, said Stephanie Cline, public relations director for the Children’s Home Society of Washington. That’s one reason special-needs children, older children in particular, often wait years to be adopted - and are sometimes never adopted.

Not many families are willing to say, “Just give me a 10-year-old boy who’s about to go through puberty, I want him in my home,” Cline said.

Diana Cote-Smith is a regional specialist for Washington’s Families for Kids, a statewide organization whose aim is to find a permanent home for every legally free child in the foster/adopt system. Cote-Smith said she wants to dispel the myth that only extraordinary people adopt children.

“These children need the love and commitment of ordinary people,” she stressed.

Jim and Nancy Plourde are examples of people who have shared their love and commitment with children in the foster care system. The couple, both in their 30s, have cared for several foster children during their 11-year marriage.

They adopted three of the children: two with special needs, and all whose parents, for whatever reason, were not able to care for them.

The Plourdes caution that it’s not easy to be a foster parent or an adoptive parent. For one thing, it’s difficult to know the children’s history, or what turmoil they might have been through.

The state provides a basic medical background on the children and a support program for medical help and psychological therapy if it’s needed.

“When you do the foster-adopt, you wind up with a whole lot of baggage,” Jim Plourde said. “Some of it is physical difficulties, some of it’s emotional difficulties, some of it’s psychological or mental. It’s a kind of grab-bag.

“If you’re going to do foster-adopt, you’re going to get a child with problems.”

Another important consideration is compatibility between children and adoptive parents. “Not every child works in every home and not every home works for every child,” Jim Plourde said.

Foster parents must have the child live with them for six months before the adoption process can begin.

Charlie, who is now 6 years old, was the Plourdes’ first adoptive child. When he was about 18 months old, someone placed the baby in Jim Plourde’s lap and it was love at first sight for both of them. Jim was the first person Charlie bonded with.

“They just immediately connected,” Nancy Plourde said. “That’s what got us started.”

Since Charlie’s was an “open adoption,” the Plourdes are required to send a yearly photo and a letter to Charlie’s birth parents through an intermediary.

The Plourdes planned to adopt Barbara from the start. She was 2 years old then; she is now 5 but developmentally she’s 2.

No one knows the whereabouts of her parents, but the Plourdes have contact with Barbara’s sister who lives with their grandparents in another state. The sisters exchange phone calls and cards and are eagerly planning a picnic together.

Billy first entered the foster care system and the Plourdes’ home three years ago. The couple adopted him last May. Now 9, Billy reflects on what life was like before he entered the foster care system.

By the time he was 5, he was in charge of making dinner for the family. His mother took drugs and his father was an alcoholic.

“My mom and my dad couldn’t really take care of me,” Billy said. “I was basically the dad in the family.”

His mother would sometimes disappear for a day or two at a time. “She would go to the bar and not come back,” he said.

Billy was happy to have a permanent home and felt more secure after the adoption. “I knew that my parents could never abuse me again,” he said.

Billy sees his birth parents about twice a year, and they can request visits through an intermediary. He visits with other birth relatives in the area, as well as a sister in foster care.

In addition to their three adopted children, the Plourdes also have two foster children living with them along with Nancy’s 18-year-old daughter, Lauren.

While there have no plans to adopt more children, they also say, “One never knows.”

ILLUSTRATION: Color Photo

MEMO: Anyone interested in learning more about becoming a foster parent can call Foster Home Licensing at 458-2043.